Time for Revolt

Our major political parties are run by old fogies who grew up in the ‘typewriter’ age.  So let us not blame our netas for trying to ban our voice online because it’s new to them.  They don’t use computers at all. They only use their smartphones to make shady deals or play Candy Crush because most of their other work are carried out by their personal aides.

These guys never used typewriters in the first place and we can’t expect them to be Twitter-experts now. Here we are today, where Amriki President Trump uses Twitter like crazy to lambast his real and imaginary opponents while our grumpy old men here are bitter that we the people use Twitter to voice our opinion against our thulo mancheys. 

At least the Amriki President writes his own tweet most of the time while most of our netas have their personal aides fire up their social media engine because our netas are too big for their boots. Bideshi netas ride around their cities in bicycles and make their cities cycle-friendly while our netas drive around our cities in luxury vehicles and want to make our roads friendly for trucks and tippers while pedestrians have to be faster than Usain Bolt to cross the Ring Road areas and cyclists have nowhere to cycle.

It doesn’t matter if you are a Congressis or a Communist or a con artist because our political parties are run by the same bunch of chors for the past three or more decades. Look at the Congressis! The same old men and a few women run the show since the 1990s. Deuba still thinks he will be the Prime Monster again come next general election. 

And don’t be surprised if he does get to live in Baluwatar once again because his astrologers have always been right. Young Turks like Gagan Thapa do not have enough money, muscles and votes within the party to topple the old fogies from their seats. It’s the same story with our comrades and even the Madhesi parties.

It’s about time the young folks in our political parties stand up and fight against the old hacks who have been enjoying the free lunch since the 1990s. Oli and his fellow courtiers tell their own comrades to quit the party if they do not like the way the current ruling Maharajas are running the show. And that’s probably a very good advice. 

I think it’s about time, our young turks from all political parties quit and get together to form a new political party so that come 2022, we will have a new party running this country and most of them at least will favor freedom of speech, assembly and religion instead of turning this country into a police state.

What about our Bibeksheel-Sajha or the Naya Shakti wallahs? Well, it looks like Dr Baburam will continue to win from Gorkha and be just another lawamaker forever while Rabindra Mishra needs to join forces with some other folks to win a seat or two in the House or else not much will happen for our newbies.

We may not like our leaders but we really have no choice but to deal with the  politicians of today. The two major parties in this land will be our greatest communist party on Earth and the grand old party of Nepal, the Congressis. The Madhesi parties will continue to bag their bunch of seats and get ministerial posts here and there and for the rest of the political parties, it’s time to close down the shutter or join the main players and get a few crumbs here and there.

Kamal Dai is once again back with his ‘Hindu State and Monarchy’ double-combo meal plan but it is not going to work because the RPP wallahs will have to wait for re-birth and hope to win two-third majority in the House in their next life and then bring monarchy and the Hindu State back to the fold once again.

I think Gyanu Uncle should just form his own political party instead. Don’t hang out with the RPP folks because the former Pancheys will not help the former King to win votes now. In the previous CA election, many folks cast their votes one for “dai” and one for ‘gai’ but most of the voters are not going to give ‘sympathy’ votes no more. 

That’s the reason why our Emperor used his tricks to hop in bed with the UML so that he could still be in the game instead of just being a washed up politician with nowhere to go less than a decade after coming out in the open.

So, young turks of our political parties, please rise up and revolt. The old monsters have to go. They are the reason why millions of young folks have to go overseas to make a few Dinars more to feed their families. Our netas blame the sarkari hakims for not doing their job. 

Well, if our netas had allowed our civil servants to do their job instead of playing politics then we would not be here today where civil servants and our chors are the only ones with the dough while the rest of us are barely surviving. 

I think it’s time folks like Gagan Thapa, Yogesh Bhattarai and other young women leaders of major political parties join hands with the newbies and form their own political party. Socialism is out. Communism is actually dead. Even the Chinese don’t even give any respect to our communists. So, now we need to think about a new political system instead of trying to copy from India, China or from a state that no longer exists. 

And yes, Gyanu Uncle can join the same party as well and maybe he can be our lawmaker someday. And Kamal Dai, please stick to Tennis and even win some major international tournaments for veterans instead of trying to be relevant even today when we all know that monarchy will not make a comeback. 

But you never know …. After all Delhi gets what Delhi wants so our politicians better get their act together or you know what happens in Nepali politics. It’s been the same story ever since our Rana uncles left the building.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Speechless in Baluwatar

When Oli became our Prime Monster for the first time, he promised us many things. He left Baluwatar without fulfilling any of the promises made. We are still waiting for our government to pour some money to promote wind energy. We are still waiting for our homes to be connected to cooking gas pipelines. We are waiting for everything Oli promised us then. 

We seem to be a patient lot and continue to believe our national comedian the second time around. This time, we are waiting for trains connecting Lhasa to Lalitpur to Lucknow. Yes, we will be the bridge between the two chimekis. But somebody forgot to tell Oli that it will cost a lot of money and  many decades because of difficult geographic terrain and will probably be like 'Melamchi' due to political interference and lazy contractors. After all, our successive governments always fail to spend the dough for our development projects year in and year out. 

It was better when Oli was our national comedian and made us laugh. Today, Oli is a different man. He is no longer funny. He is a grumpy old man who thinks that the world is against him. How did a man who seemed happy and was always ready to entertain us with his one-liners suddenly turn into a crazy wacko who wants to stop us all from voicing our opinion?

Oli and his courtiers think that they can roll over us just because they have a two-third majority in the House. But somebody needs to remind our great comrades that we are a federal democratic republic of Nepal where freedom of speech, assembly and religion and of the press is granted in the constitution of this land. 

Our constitution allows us to express our opinion freely without fear of 

punishment but Oli and his courtiers have yet to read the constitution.  So, the first thing the Speaker of the House should do is ask all our lawmakers to read the constitution and then sit for an exam and post the marks online. If you do not pass the exam then you are not fit to be our lawmaker. But of course, you don't need fulfill any criteria except for age to be our lawmaker. 

And if our two-third majority government really wanted to change this country then they should vote for age and term limit for our lawmakers. But we all know that our greatest communist government on Earth will not do that because then our old fogies would all have to stay home and read newspaper in the sun and eat badam and suntala and not get any chance to embezzle funds from the State coffer.

Oli has once again done us proud by acting like a mafia Don instead of a Prime Minister. A PM is a person who leads the nation and should act like our guardian. But here in this land of ours, the person who lives in Baluwatar seems to be taken over by an evil spirit and make the person think that he is a dictator. 

Oli is not happy with the media wallahs. Our state-run newspapers have stopped publishing stories about 'Nirmala'. Our Miscommunication Mantri threatens private media wallahs about shutting them down and reminds them that the government is the leading advertiser in the dailies and they should be careful or risk losing ad revenue.  

And now Oli is after the so-called intellectual community. Oli is not happy with the so-called PhD and padantey wallahs. He accuses them of making cheap comments against him and his courtiers. He wants the so-called intellectuals to come to him first for a debate session before going to the press to voice their opinion. He has even promised us all that the so-called intellectuals will be bedridden if Oli responds to their cheap comments. 

Oli knows he has the power to jail us. Our police wallahs will not hesitate to carry out 'encounters' and our CDO sahebs will be more than happy to send us to jail following the orders of the Home Ministry.  During the days of the Pancheys, folks like Oli were considered terrorists. The folks like Oli became our rulers and the Maoists were considered terrorists. 

Today, then Maoists are now in bed with Oli and the people and the press are now considered terrorists. Yes, this is the new Nepal where the taxpayers are treated like terrorists and the chors running this country who actually are committing treason are treated like Kings. So, let us request our media wallahs not to be harsh on Oli and his courtiers or their programs and policies. 

We, the people may not believe in our netas but at least bideshi cults do believe in our leaders. A South Korean cult decides to dole out cash prize and an award to our PM and he happily accepts it without double checking their background. 

Oli is more than happy to receive a medal for good governance and leadership which is probably the biggest joke of 2018. And let us thank our government for spending Karods of Rupees to host a conference for this cult and invite politicians with not so good human right record to our land. 

Dear PM Oli, do not criticize retired professor and civil servants if they do not agree with your nataks. Please do not take us back to the old days of Pancheys.  They had mandaleys then while you have most of the mundreys today but please remember that all good things do come to an end. So, enjoy your time in Baluwatar and go home to Balkot. 

Then, we will have our Emperor in Baluwatar and we hope that he will be less thin-skinned and not so arrogant like Oli. Yes, Prachanda will be different because he has already shown us time and again that he can bend backwards, sideways or anyways to be in the game. We need a flexible person at this hour not a grumpy old man who is slowly transforming into a despot. Oli, we want you to be like the late Mandela but you want to be a Mugabe!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

The People's President!

Our Oli government seems to be in the news for all the wrong reasons every week and instead of apologizing for their nataks, those in power blame the people for making a big issue out of stuff like wasting millions of Rupees on vehicles for VVIPs. It seems that this government is hell bent on misusing power and wasting state funds for their own person benefit.

The joke of the week is that our government wants to relocate the Nepal Police Academy to Panauti from Maharajgunj because our President needs a bigger space. Yes, build a 1,000 room palace for our President so that whoever gets to be our commander-in-chief can live like one of our Shree Tin uncles. 

We had heard stories about the Rana clan enjoying the good life then but now, we can finally get to see our thulo mancheys wasting our state funds to live a life that would make then Rana uncles and the House of Shah look like middle-class folks. I guess, this is reason why we became a republic where ripping off the public is the sole objective of those in power.  

And instead of making sure that the people come first, our successive governments have done more for the pickpockets instead. 

Our Minister of Miscommunication, Mr. Go Cool Bans Quota tells us that we should not drag the office of the President into controversy and those who are against the expansion natak is against democracy as well. 

Even Baghdad Bob should be rolling from his grave today. We are lucky to have such mantris who are not ashamed to tell us that the government is wasting billions of Rupees of taxpayers' money on chiya kharcha and vehicles and other perks for our chors.

I think we need to ask our Professors from the Department of English at TU to teach a class or two to our thulo mancheys so that they know the meanings of English words.  

Dear Minister, we are not against Democracy. We, the people have voted to send folks like you to the Parliament in hopes that you and your fellow lawmakers will do good for the people and the country. We have been fooled again and again but we still hope that our politicians will change and finally work for the people. But we have been fooled even this time around as well. 

Why does our President need to live like one of those dictators in a totalitarian regime when most of us barely make enough to provide for our families? Our government tells us that the current space is not enough to even house 175 security personnel deployed for our Madame President. I guess, our government wants to provide a single room each for the security personnel at the President's House while it doesn't care about thousands of our soldiers in the Nepal Army and those in Nepal Police who have to live in bunkers and run down sheds across the country.

Why is our IGP Saheb silent when it matters the most? Our government had approved of the relocation of Police Academy a few months ago but the decision was made public only recently. IGP Khanal should save his organization from being a mere private security company for our chors. 

Why is our opposition wallahs silent on this one? Are they also being offered commissions when the government wastes Rs 8 billion grant provided by our Desi brothers?  Yes, it's all about the money.  Just ask the Mayor of Kathmandu. If he was allowed to do according to his wishes, the man would tear down our temples and build coffee shops instead and rent it out to byaparis!

Our police wallahs both in service and retired ones should take to the streets to protest against the government's decision to relocate the Police Academy.  And then will Nepal Police send their own folks to beat up the protestors? 

Nepal Army and the Armed Police Force (APF) get whatever they want from the government, be it helicopters, arms and other stuff but why is Nepal Police treated like an outsider when it is the only security organization that deals with the public day in and day out. Why is our government hell bent on destroying the professionalism of Nepal Police? Political interference is rising while the morale of the police force is sinking every day.

Our government tells us that our President needs Rs 180 million to buy new vehicles. Why not spend more and buy a helicopter instead so that our President can help us all by not creating traffic jams in the city. Just build helipads on rooftops of our government buildings all over the country? 

And our Vice-President's office will be shifted to the place where the Social Welfare Council  calls home. What's next? Shift the Prime Minister's residence from Baluwatar to Tundihkhel so that whoever is in charge of running this country can enjoy the open space while we, the people will have nowhere to go when the next Big One hits our country.

Our politicians and civil servants have not learned a thing from the earthquakes of 2015. Thousands of government buildings are yet to be repaired or rebuilt. Our government can't even build the walls surrounding our government offices and yet it talks about making this county great.  

Dear Madame President, please speak up now or else it will be too late. You do not need dozen vehicles to ride around the city. You do no really need a helicopter or a helipad or other freebies at the expense of our taxpayers'. Stop the looting of our national coffer to provide for our thulo mancheys.  

If you want to be the People's  President then be like the one from Uruguay. Yes, be like Jose Mujica, the former President of Uruguay. Give 90% of your salary and chiya kharcha to charities that benefit the poor and small business owners. But this is the land where the government exploits the poor and small businesses while providing rebates to the rich and fake-VAT Bill byaparis.  

So, do not expect our thulo mancheys to have a change of heart anytime soon. Let them enjoy the free lunch because in a decade or two, there will be no lunch at all.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com