The Crooks Have All The Fun!

Let us congratulate our Maharaja Deuba and his crew for showing us all, that politicians don’t have any permanent enemies. Our Emperor Prachanda has also shown us that he is very flexible and can bend either way as long as he gets to be relevant and make some dough. 

We, the people really need to learn a lot of things from our chor netas. Yes, forget all the moral science lessons learned in school. Our corrupt clowns and civil servants have no morals and for them only money matters the most.  They join politics or civil service in hopes of making some moolah and they will do their best to make sure that service seekers pay them chiya kharcha.

No wonder, our fake VAT bill byaparis evade billions of Rupees in taxes every year and our netas and civil servants get richer and fatter. If we were to compare the before they came to power or became a hakim saheb pictures with the pictures of our chors today then you would clearly see the difference. 

From starving, skinny and sunken faces without any smiles to red, chubby and bubbly faces with a smirk after amassing millions and millions of Rupees in bribes and what not. 

And it seems that our corrupt folks really take the 'code of silence' more seriously than the Costa Nostra! Yes, the mafia folks in the West do turn on each other for reduction in fines, jail term and other benefits but here in this land of ours, we have yet to witness one person who has been sent to jail for corruption speak out against other civil servants and our politicians who have benefited from such shady deals.

Tulsi Giri was our Prime Monster under the Pancheys and vice-chairperson during Gyanu Uncle's rule. When it comes to wasting our taxpayers money, our politicians do not discriminate against the old or the new players. After all, who doesn't like free lunch?

Let us not blame Deuba or Kamal Thapa for doing their best to provide funds to Giri for his medical treatment. Our Emperor Prachanda had earlier tried to provide funds to Giri as well. So, all politicians,  left, right or nowhere are in the game to make some moolah and help each other out in times of need instead of helping the common folks.

We have a former President who would rather spend lakhs per month from our national coffer to rent a house, a few minutes walk from his own residence. Soon, our current President will also get few lakhs per month for rent and other expenses.  We have half a dozen Prime Monsters  who get security, perks and other benefits from the State and let us not count our former Speakers, Chief Justices and other thulo mancheys. 

It seems that our state treasury is more like a personal piggy bank for our thulo mancheys. Yes, all of them can share the funds to provide security, vehicles and other allowances for themselves while the common folks have to run around in circles for days and months to get basic services from the State.

Our President has finally authenticated the ordinance on election to the National Assembly. Oli might not get to enjoy the Bideshi New Year in Baluwatar but he should finish wrapping up his stuff to move there soon.

We expect our politicians to change but we seem to forget that there is no incentive for them to change their colors for the good of the nation when everything is going fine for them and their stooges? 

Our politicians know very well that they are not here to make this nation prosperous. They are here to act like mini-Maharajas, enjoy the loot while they can and make sure that they don't get prosecuted by new players by offering free lunch to all political parasites, old and new.

And we thought that even though we do have enough crooks at the national level, we would at least get good folks to run our local bodies but we were wrong. Look at our Mayor from Kathmandu. The man whom we thought would act like Buddha, has turned out become just another broker for our shady contractors. Maybe, we should also Oli uncle to take some sense to his brother in law. 

After all, our mayor thinks it is better for all of us if we turn Rani Pokhari into another fun park or circus. The man didn't just wake up one night and thought of fountains, coffee shops and picnic spots inside such historic places. He must have received proposals from con artists who want to pay a few Rupees to our government while making hundred times more for themselves and our politicians.

Let us all wish each other a very Happy Bideshi New Year and look forward to a better year for ourselves. Yes, our government and civil servants will not repent overnight and be honest and hardworking. 

Our Mayors and Chief Ministers will continue to favor byaparis and contractors over the common folks and historic sites. But we must not lose hope, be strong and fight back if we see our folks in power try to roll over us with their corrupt nataks.  

Someday, we will be fortunate enough to witness our own  David defeated our corrupt Golaiths!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

The Call from Delhi

The great Indian magician Modi has called our three stooges who run the show in this land of ours. It's not unusual for foreign leaders to call our netas but it seems that Oli, Prachanda and Deuba (OPD) seem to be in the top contact list of our chimekis. 

Did Modi call Trump and then Hillary and even Bernie Sanders last year? I guess not but this is Nepal where our top leaders do matter because it is easier for our chimekis to play them against each other as they don't stick to their words at all. 

And of course, Bernie didn't make it to the finals and Hillary lost even if she won the popular vote. Modi could have won a few brownie points if he had also called Rabindra Mishra as well. But of course Mishra wants to be our AAP while Modi is so far the Baap of Desi politics for now.

But our OPD is a different story. All three of our buffoons won from their constituencies. Oli is a superman in Jhapa.  He could have marketed himself as a mini-Mandela but most of us know him as a man of wisecracks who gives our real comedian a run for their money. 

Yes, the man did spend 14 years in our 'Panchyati' prisons then. But we still don't understand why our politicians who spent many years in rotten jails and were tortured by our police wallahs do not want to reform our police service and the prison system as well?

Deuba is a Maharaja from Dadeldhura. He never loses elections from there because most of the folks from his region who are in government service owe their jobs to Deuba.

And he is also known as the great distributor who will distribute cash, gift hampers, luxury vehicles and anything that can help him to stay in power but this time, his party has crashed miserably and it will take a while to get the mojo back. And, our Maharani lost even though she bought a house to show that she was not just another tourist but that's politics.  

And our Emperor finally won from the place where he grew up, went to school and started his magic tricks.  He tells us that he will be around for a decade and that's about it. Prachanda is a great magician and is now also known as a great mathematician as well. 

But the man is also great flip-flopper and he can change his colors faster than a chameleon. He wants to be the party chief and even our Prime Monster again and maybe a decade later if he sticks to his words of calling it quits from active politics then he hopes to be our President as well. 

Nothing gets done in this land without our top chors agreeing to share the loot. Our politicians have quotas for everything from lucrative transfers, promotions and appointment of our judges, ambassadors and thulo mancheys at government commissions. 

Yes, our buffoons practice the 'sharing is caring' mantra amongst themselves but when it comes to the common folks and the country, they just act like we really don't exist.

Oli will soon be our Prime Monster, Prachanda wants to be the party chairperson of the 'new' commie company while Deuba just wants to hang in there for a few more weeks and make a few extra Rupees while our politicians disagree with each other regarding the Upper House natak.  

Our 'Lefties' want to go for the majority system that will help them to have fun in the Upper House as well while the government wants the President to pass the ordinance to elect folks in the Upper House through the single transferrable voting system. 

And the funny thing is that even our Election Commission (EC) wallahs have no idea what to do. Yes, our President is in a dilemma. Everybody is trying to figure out what to do next. 

Our Constitution tells us that we need an Upper House first and then we can finally throw a party for Oli and his entourage. And when our politicians disagree, they need the help of our chimeki to settle their affairs. Yes, our chor netas only listen to the Desi bhais and Chinese friends. They don't listen to our experts because our experts follow the party line and are biased against those on the other side. 

Yes, our chimekis have been running the 'real' show in this land and we, the common folks are just spectators and our chor netas are just clowns. Maybe Modi can help our netas. After all the Desis have been helping out since the days when our Shree Tins left the building.

Modi has invited our 'captain' of the ship, Oli to visit India. Oli has also invited Modi to visit Nepal. I think the great Indian chai wallah has lost the goodwill he earned when he first visited Nepal back then. We have forgotten the blockade already because we are Nepalis, we seem to forget and forget easily unlike the Desis who are still mad at the British. 

Yes, our own brothers and sisters blocked the borders and it may have been a 'political' game but we all know that if Modi had just called our Madhesi netas then they would have backed off in a go. They wouldn't even need a call, a simple SMS from the Indian Embassy would have resolved the 'blockade' natak.

Oli tells Modi that his government will work towards providing stability, making our democracy stronger and practicing good governance and making sure that our country finally witnesses economic prosperity. You really don't need to tell the Desi PM what you want to do in our own land. And  instead of only inviting Modi, invite Xi as well and let us host a 'NIC' summit instead.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

To The Left!

Well, the election results are out and it is indeed sad to see our grand old party, the Nepali Kangaroos asked to move to the left by the 'left alliance'.  Who would have thought that our Kangaroos would fail miserably?  Where did Maharja Deuba and his courtiers go wrong?  

Our Emperor Prachanda has once again shown us that he still has his tricks left in his bag. Our Meowists happened to fare a little better with the support of the United Mundrey Leaders. They would have won only a dozen seats if they had not started their affair with the other comrades. And we have to thank the Meowists for showing us all that they are very flexible when it comes to forging and breaking up alliances. 

And our national comedian Oli knew very well that if he hadn't brought the Meowist on board then the Kangaroos would have and the result might not have been as expected. Anyways, let us congratulate Oli and Prachanda for their 'Lefty' win. And we should not worry like the Kangaroos about the 'Communification' of  Nepal because no matter what, not much will change in this land. 

Our civil servants will continue to be lazy and not perform while running to politicians for lucrative postings and promotions. Our contractors and con artists will tie up with sons and daughters of our politicians to bag government contracts worth billions and then carry out shoddy work and pocket the money and nobody will be held accountable. Our politicians will continue to work for their cousins and cadres instead of the common folks. 

Yes, let's feel bad for our chor netas as well. After all, they need to make their cadres happy or else they might not win next time. Loyal cadres will now flock to the residences of our chor netas in the valley and will request, beg and even threaten them for jobs, state funds and what not. 

Our netas will spend most of their time trying to figure out how to dole out funds and provide government jobs to their cadres. They will not have enough time to think about their constituency and yet we think that they will do something good for the country.  Politicians in other lands resign and quit politics or step aside and ask someone to lead the party instead whenever they fail but in our land of ours, our politicians linger around till they drop dead.

Our Maharaja Deuba is no mood to resign at all. His astrologers do not see such moves on his charts. After all, he expects to be our Prime Monster a few more times in the future. Rabindra Mishra could have won from his constituency if he had managed to develop a bromance with the comrades. But of course, our Bibeksheel-Sajha folks don't want to use any muscles or waste any money to buy votes or promise freebies to those who will help them win. 

That's the difference between the 'old' chors and the 'new' turks.  But in politics, it seems that you must make deals with the chors as well if you want to bag a few seats and become a national party.  

Maybe, it would have been better if Mishra dai and his party had united with Naya Shakti and few others to at least be a national party for now.  Dr Saheb would certainly have won from Gorkha and both parties would at least get enough PR votes to send a few MPs to the federal parliament.

Our Madhesi parties have shown us that they have enough votes to be our national parties even if they only win from the plains. And it's about time they too took sides either with the Kangaroos or the UMLs or maybe join hands with the 'other' new ones and become the third party in this land. Yes, be a party for the minorities in this land because the 'old' parties are not eager to give minorities a chance. 

Our comrades now have the opportunity to lead this country to prosperity if they manage to stick together and do what's right for the country instead of only looting the state funds to provide for their cousins and cadres. Let's see if Oli and Prachanda will stick to their words and finally unite as one big 'Commie' party of Nepal. 

It seems that the so-called top leaders do really get along as long as they can make the moolah but our cadres are a different lot.  It would be really hard for the cadres to get along because if our commies do unite then most of our cadres will spend their time fighting with each other when it comes to heading their parties in their wards and provinces. After all, most of our cadres 

are in it for the money as well.

Let us wish our comrades all the best. Let us hope that they will at least have a roadmap for a better Nepal which focuses on attracting foreign investment from our chimekis, providing millions of jobs to our young folks by attracting tens of millions of middle-class Chinese and Indian tourists. We cannot compete with our chimekis when it comes to manufacturing stuff. But we can make billions and billions of dollars by focusing on tourism alone. But who's listening? 

Will Oli stand up from the crowd and be our Prime Minister and lead us to prosperity or will he be just another Prime Monster who came, sat on the Kurchi and left with doing nothing for the common folks and the country. Let us hope he will listen to the 'common' people and not only his cadres and con artists. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com