Bicycle Thieves

Prachanda tells us that he will ride a bicycle around town if things get worse. He should have done that when he was our Prime Monster. Yes, he can still buy a bicycle and ride around the valley if he is really serious about it. 

Cycling is better than playing table tennis with our security personnel every morning. Yes, our Emperor plays table tennis to stay fit. The only thing that will be fit will be his hands and those are only good enough to wave when he makes another rambling speech around town.  

Dear Emperor, tell the government to take back their vehicle, security and other state perks that you seem to enjoy as our former Prime Monster. Yes, start a cycling revolution in the country because all revolutions have failed.  

Maybe we can cut down our trade deficit with India if we can ban all vehicles inside the valley and make it a cycle zone. Our rickshaw drivers will also have enough clients to pay their bills and take care of their families.

Our Madhesi leaders tell us that they will block all borders and highways and make us all pay for not addressing their demands.  Why make the people suffer when it’s the politicians who are not willing to work together to find common ground to resolve their demands?

We can do a cycling tour from the capital to the Tarai. Let us all buy bicycles and ride all the way to the Indian border. Then, we can all stock up on daily essentials and then cycle back home to the valley. 

Well, that could take weeks but at least all of us will get to see other parts of the country instead of just being grumpy and blaming the folks in Madhes for the shortage of fuel, cooking gas and nearly everything else. 

But even if we all wanted to buy bicycles today, it would not be possible because we would need to ask both chimekis to open their borders. The earthquakes have shut down the border in the north and our border in the south seems to be closed because our Desi bhais think it is a security risk due to the crisis in Tarai.

Our incompetent government tells us that we have enough stock of fuel to last us a week or more. But our petrol pumps are shut down and the pump sahujis tell us that they have no fuel. We had a long weekend last week thanks to our government for giving us a new constitution.  

We have a long weekend this week as well. I think it would be better if our public enterprises stay open even during public holidays to ensure that the people get to buy essential goods. Why should NOC stop delivery of fuel and cooking gas just because we have a government holiday?

We all don’t need fuel to go to work. We can walk or cycle to work. The world will not end if you don’t get to ride your motorcycle or drive your car every day. But we can’t do without cooking gas. 

The people are suffering but our government doesn’t care. The government blames the gas bottlers. The bottlers blame the retailers. The retailers blame the Madhesi leaders. And, we the common folks have no one to blame but ourselves for electing such short-sighted selfish pickpockets who do not care about the people but only lust after power.

Sushil Da really wanted to visit New York and relax but he has no choice but to stay home and do nothing. Our incompetent government plans to send a special envoy to India to calm down the Desis.Yes, Modi bhai and his crew are not happy that we have a constitution. 

Instead of sending one of our government ministers to Delhi, why not send Manoj Gajurel? Our comedian can then visit the Red Fort and do a comic show where he mimics Modi and other Desi celebrities. Modi won’t be home but at least, give the folks in Delhi a treat.

I think it’s time Sushil Da just stepped down and let KP Oli be our Prime Monster. Sushil Da has done his part. He promised us that he would be around till we get a new constitution. We have it now, and it’s your turn to keep your word. 

Let Oli handle the current crisis in Tarai. Oli can invite all our Madhesi-Tharu leaders and do a live show on TV where they discuss the demands put forth by our agitating parties. Let us hear what our politicians have to say instead of meeting behind closed doors or visiting foreign hands for their next movie.

We all know that India is the one who holds the key to the successful political careers of our politicians. Our netas have always run to Delhi to seek support for their own political interest. Our netas cannot think for themselves and need foreign advice to run the show. 

We cannot only blame our Madhesi leaders for seeking Desi support. Our major political parties have done the same over the years and it has always been Delhi that dictated the next move for our political parties. 

It’s been the same natak since 2007 BS and it will continue to be so until our netas grow up and learn to make their own decisions and live with them.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

444,444 .....

My lucky number 4! Thank you Miss G for sending me the screenshot!

We have a Constitution ?

Yes, it's hard to believe but our lazy buffoons have finally delivered us a new constitution. Our clowns tell us that we should all rejoice and be happy that even thought it took us 65 years , we now have a constitution written by people's representatives. 

Yes, we elected these buffoons and they took seven years and billions of Rupees to come up with a new constitution. So, I guess it was worth the wait. But let's hope that we won't have to deal with another people's movement every other decade and then try to come up with a new constitution again and again.

Our netas are busy congratulating themselves and offering ladoos and sweets to each other.  Yes, take your Selfies while you can. We all know that half the country is shut down and there will be more problems ahead unless our major political parties offer ladoos to the agitating parties as well.

Our clowns tell us that we should celebrate Deepwali early this year because we have a constitution and it will bring us stability and prosperity.  But we all know that it will probably take us a new generation of leaders to take this country forward. 

The current batch of pickpockets and hooligans only know how to drain the national coffer and extort byaparis, civil servants and contractors. They only know how to shut down the country and vandalize public property. 

When time comes for general and state elections, we should promise ourselves that we will vote for the new generation of politicians instead of sticking with these band of thieves.

3rd of Ashoj will be another government holiday from now onward.  I hope our government will stop wasting our taxpayers money by celebrating Prajatantra Diwas, Loktantra Diwas and Ganatantra Diwas on separate days and instead celebrate September 20th as the 'People's Day'.  

Yes, it was great that the Ranas left the building. It was great that Gyanu Uncle left the building. But we will all only light our homes, dance on the streets and embrace each other when this generation of dimwits leave the building as well.

Our incompetent government needs to address the demands of our Tharu-Madhesi and Janjati political parties before we can all be happy and celebrate Deepawali early this year. The government has declared a two-day holiday. Our kids will miss their classes. Our civil servants will get a long weekend and will get to continue their card games and drinking sessions.

Kamal Thapa and his friends decided to vote 'No' to the new constitution but we should also thank them for not acting like savages and going around town burning stuff.  It really does take courage to face the water cannons instead of firing cannons at the security personnel.

He should be happy that we still have the cow as our national animal. Now, he can make himself popular if he can gather all stray cattle in the valley and open a sanctuary for our national animals. 

Kamal Dai will always have a dozen or more seats in the national parliament as long as he goes on a 'Rath Yatra' to energize our Hindu crowd every six months. Do not be sad that we could not officially become a Hindu state. If Kamal Dai wants to gain more votes in the next general election then he should distribute free ladoos and pedas to all Nepalis. 

Ganesh Thapa can also help as he can use some of the funds from ANFA to gift us sweets during Dashain.  It's not only them but all of our politicians who only think of their near and dear ones while common folks get laathis, they get to share ladoos.

We will not have a directly elected Prime Monster or President and there will be no minimum qualifications for one to be a MP or no term limit as well. So all those who have failed SLC can still dream on to become a MP, then a mantri and if you have enough money, muscles and arse-kissing skills then become our Prime Monster someday. 

A person who has only eight years of schooling will still get the opportunity to instruct a government secretary who may have a PhD to do the wrong thing and make money for his or her political party and cadres. The game of looting will continue.

Our agitating parties have decided to call a banda to mark the special day as their 'black day'.  Our Terai has been shut down for the past month and our incompetent government does not seem to be in a hurry to address their demands. 

Our Madhesi-Tharu parties must first promise us that their cadres will stop burning police posts, vandalizing vehicles and lynching police personnel instead of setting preconditions for the government to fulfill before they hang out at some resort for their so-called peace talks. Stop the violence, sit down for talks. Engage in fistfights with other politicians. We won't mind. But leave the public alone. 

KP Oli is probably the happiest person in Nepal right now. He will now get to be our Prime Monster and his mundreys are already salivating over how much they can make from government contracts and postings and promotions of civil servants. 

Sushil Da hopes to be our President. I think it's about time he renounced all worldly connections, threw away his three mobile phones and live out his years as a wandering hermit around Banarasi instead of hanging around till the end. 

Our Emperor took wants to be our President too and Dr. Saheb wants to lead the Mao Inc. to greater heights. I think they should rather work on uniting Baidya Ba and crew and bring along Matrika and Biplav back to their fold.  Our Maoists should know very well that most of us are not giving them a second chance any time soon. 

We gave them a chance to deliver the new constitution but they squandered all the goodwill of the people. Yes, we should all give them the credit for where we are today but they need to change their mindset to move forward. 

Let' s hope that they will do some soul-searching and come up with a new game plan which does not include violence. But please leave the idea of state capture out and don't follow Baidya Ba's master plan to invade India. Both won't work. 

We can't keep blaming India for all our problems. Our Madhesi leaders should also know better instead of hoping for quick cash and support from across the border. 

Yes, the state and the majority of the folks in this land have always discriminated against our Madhesi, Tharu and Janjati folks. Instead of using violence, our politicians should use their brain. Leave your laathis, axes and spears at home. The battle should be in the parliament and not on the streets.

We all know that our politicians have no intention of helping the people. Our Madhesi and Tharu brothers and sisters hope that their lives will be better if we have more provinces but the reality is that politicians will get to make more money and enjoy more state perks while we will have to go overseas and face exploitation just to make a few more Dinars and Ringgits.

Yes, let us be happy that we have a new constitution now but all of us will be a lot happier if our major circus companies also brought along other agitating parties on board.  Once again, congratulations to our lazy bums from giving us a constitution. 

But what matters most for us is affordable food prices, housing and medical care, adequate supply of essential goods and end of bandas so that we can all go to work every day without obstruction and make some money so that we can take care of our families. Long Live The Republic!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com