Mark Twain

If you didn't know... then please do know now that today is hamro baajey, Mark Twain ko birthday! So let us all have a cake and some coffee toffee and celebrate Mr. Clemens ko janma din!

When I was in the fifth grade, I read about them Amrikan Presidents. And although Reagan was already on his way to win his second term, the book only had until Jimmy Carter kya. And of course I was in love with Amy Carter then.. hehe! I became a JFK fan from then on even thought I wasn't Irish, Catholic or an Amrikan nai... hehe!

I know my birthday very well. And the other birthdays I never forget except friends, family and foes chahi... Mark Twain ko nai ho! And I also light a candle every November 22nd for JFK (the day he got killed in Dallas!) even though I am not related to the Kennedys and I still have a Jackie O picture/ frame srame ma ... last time I saw it ... it was in my sister's room!

I think the last tyam we ever had any charismatic leader .. tyehi Ranaji Jangey dai nai hola..... all the Shusmers after him all look chubby with the joonga daari hehe! And no, Prachandoo is not charismatic... he is a standup comedian... more like 'Nepali' Robin Williams (without making any faces or doing any coke hehe!).

I wish Baburam dai had pumped a little bit more iron and maybe shaved his 'mustache' and had a tattoo and not to forget a Mohawk... err.. sorry, Kaha batuh tyo Robert dai from 'Taxi Driver' ko po yaad ayecha! Ani balla po charismatic bhanney hola ni.. haha!

Anyways, Obama was a nobody before he gave that speech during Kerry's nomination in Boston. But it was all charisma that won him the Presidency and nothing else ni. Yes, we all love Obama but I have always sympathized with Nixon even though he was a crook hehe!

Okay, let's cut the Amrikan History 'x' thing and move on to Mr. Twain hai.

Clemens is probably the greatest Amrikan writer ever. Okay, Stephen King hola kasai kasai lai... but this guy was born before they had TV and that makes a lot of difference kya.

And don't brag about how you have read all them Russian writers and stuff... if you haven't read them Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn stuff then you have read nothing .. hehe!

I like Twain not only because he was a great writer, humorist and what not but someday I would want to be like him too. So, I better join a newspaper first then maybe be a riverboat pilot (Koshi river ma) then go work in a gold mine hola (khoi kata jaaney Australia po ho ki) hehe!

He tried nearly everything and he failed .... but when he began writing them humor columns then he hit it big and he never stopped writing them funny stuff kyaaruh. I wish I had the same skills but maybe arko janma ma!

I wish we had someone like Twain here in Nepal. Well, I always used to read Kunda dai's 'Donkey' ho ki ass thing. I always thought it was funny .. well, I still find it funny but I hope someday we will have someone who will charm us with his or her wit and satire (yes, we desperately need a lady because after Paarijat (she wasn't a humorist but..) we haven't had one who would kick all them grumpy male arses!).

I also like Twain a lot because he really couldn't balance his books.. hehe.. somebody should have taught him 'Lekha Palan and Karyalaya Sanchalan' (that's the title of them 'Accounting' books we had during our SLC days!).

I scored my highest grade in Lekha Palan nai... 94 kyaaruh and my credit score (the last time I checked it was zero hehe!) and I have 583.22 Rupees in Himalayan Bank. I am a die-hard Himalayan Bank fan because I opened my first bank account there! Well, I still have to recoup my loans I had given to a senior writer who fled to New York and to a local don who ran away to Norway hehe!

Anyways, Twain made a lot of money from his lekhing (writing) and guffing (lectures) but then he lost it all in all them crazy ventures! But he did finally succeed in repaying back his creditors even though he was not obligated to do so... Amrika ma basya faida tyehi ho euta.. if you file bankruptcy then you owe nobody nothing hehe!

But of course, your credit score will prevent you from renting an apartment or getting anything for credit ni.. hehe.. which is not good!

Anyway, Happy Birthday Mark.... and if you still don't think Twain was the greatest Amrikan writer ever then you are telling me that William Faulker was a grumpy arse... because Faulkner ko bichar ma Twain is the father of Amrikan Literature kya. And I think so too.. but I am just a Guffadi so my vote might not even count hola... but who gives a @#$! ni.. Twain Baajey Jindabad , Nepal ka sabai chor-neta Murdabaad.. Jai Hos!

The Adventures of Tin Tin ...

I think most us have been fans of Tin Tin when we first discovered then comics during them boarding school days hehe! So when I heard that they were showing Tin Tin 3D natak ... I decided to go and watch it with my coach , a fashionista, a poetess and a scientist (she has a Msc in Physics so she knows more about Einstein than I do hola)

After all, the movie was directed by Speilberg and produced by him and Peter Jackson ni. So I was really excited ni.... but I am sad to say the sukeko chicken roll, the flat soda and foos-foos popcorn tasted better than the movie itself!

Just like we expected our Dr. Saheb, Babu Bhatta (trying to shorten everything these days hehe!) to deliver.... I really thought this movie would be really babaal... but I have to give it a C+ and only because Speilberg directed it or else... it would have been a D- nai hola!

There are so many stories to choose from but why the @#!$ did Jackson and Speilberg decide to do it on that 'Unicorn' BS kya? Haven't they heard about our brother, Johnny Depp and his 'Pirates of the Caribbean' series..... they should have gone to Africa or even Tibet but no, they had to do the 'pirate' and the 'treasure' thing and screw it up for us!

And yes, Captain Haddock is a funny man but it's supposed to be about Tin Tin ni.... it's like Rajnikanth getting overshadowed by I don't know.. Johnny Lever hehe!

I hear they plan to do two more movies rey... well, they thought this one would rake in the moolah at the BO... well they didn't even get their money back rey. They spent 135 million dollars making it .... and if you do the Hollywood accounting natak, you need to make at least three times more to break even.... so I guess, the studios will just try to sell more toys and video games hola ni.

Anyways, hope they do make them sequels and what not and Jackson (he was supposed to direct the next one) will make it more interesting and not like that 'King Kong' bakwaas he made with Jack Black... hehe!

I hope to go watch 'Immortals' this week.... at least it will be full-on action and masala.... and no I haven't Rockstar yet. Some folks really loved it and some hated it ... ek jana ko fb status tuh.. Ranbir ... teri haq tuhi rakh rey... hehe!

NRNs and Nepal...

Today, I will be guffing about 'Obligations of NRNs to Nepal' as suggested by Amy!

I will try not to wander off like I do every now and then... so I will try to give my answers to Amy's questions hai.

Due to lack of opportunities in Nepal, huge numbers of young Nepalis find work overseas and end up settling there permanently. What are the obligations of those expats to Nepal?

We have to thank our netas, civil servants and them dalals for screwing it up for the rest of us! Every year, half a million folks leave Nepal for them foreign lands so that they can make a few more Dinars, Ringgits and if some of them are lucky then Dollars and Euros pani.

Some go for higher education, some migrate to them commonwealth countries and dherai jaso tuh Middle East ma nai janey ho 10,000 rupaiya ko kaam garnaw. While our netas and their chamchas make millions here.... our young ones have to pay them human traffickers 1-2 lakh to go to them Arab nations!

Obligations ko kura garda, I just don't understand why some NRNs (Nepali ma residing Nepalis) hehe... think that the other NRNs (Non-Resident Nepalis) are traitors or opportunists or don't have the right to bitch, whine, worry about Nepal!

Like that song from 1974 AD, 'Mun tuh mero Nepali Ho!' .... we all have obligations in some ways to do something for our country. Our netas and civil servants think all NRNs have like boras of Dollars and think of ways to con them ... hehe... by asking them to invest in Nepal.

And if they do, then they will have to deal with all them beaureacratic hassles, political pressures thanks to them trade unions and what not. If our so-called leaders had them vision ki kay bhancha ni... then they would have asked our 3 million NRNs to send home 10 dollars a day and maybe invest it in them hydropower, bato ghato etiyaadi. 360 million US$ is not pocket change ni!

I think all them NRNs should first take care of their families and maybe donate a dollar to Help Nepal Network hola! And I hear there are other NGOs now working in rural areas like HNN... you don't have to give them your month's paycheck... maybe 10 dollars a month will do!

Should they bring their family members to their new country and strengthen the NRN community?

Yes, after all... you can't live alone ni. You need your family to share you dookhaw-sookhaw! And at the same time, your income also goes up when both of you start working! And then you can save some and maybe buy a house or save it for your kids haroo ko college education!

Should they plan to return to Nepal someday to teach the next generation?

At the end of the day, all NRNs would love to come back and yes, our NRNs should return home and they could share their knowledge with the young ones. But our government and them netas need to learn a thing or two from South Korea or Israel or them nations who decided to ask their folks to come back home and help their countries kya.

We are Nepalis.. our chor-netas and them corrupt civil servants get all them respect ... for what? Looting the national coffer and asking bribes from byaparis to common citizens... and while us, the hardworking, law-abiding citizens have to either just stay here and hope for a better future or run away to foreign lands where everybody gets a second chance and can make a decent living if they work hard and don't gamble, drink and start buying designer clothes hehe!

Should they have their kids do some of their schooling in Nepal to make sure they understand what it means to be Nepali?

A friend of mine used to send his kid to Nepal every summer. The kid would stay with his grandparents and learn the 'Nepali' way. Of course, he got bullied by his cousins when he first visited Nepal.... but after a month or two ... he became a 'pakka' Nepali .. .hehe!

The kid is now 11 years old.... he still comes back once every two years maa... but he speaks Nepali fluently and his cousins can't bully him or make fun of the 'Amrikan' bhanja babu.. hehe!

I think NRN parents should speak 'Nepali' to their kids. Angrezi or Dutch or French (wherever you are) .. tyee tuh uni haroo ko school ruh yeta oota siki halcha ni! And also take them along to them NRN events like Dashain and stuff... so he or she does know something about 'Nepali' culture kya!

So instead of sending them to schools here... a summer vacation... every two or three years will do. It won't put a dent in your finances pani.. and while the parents are visiting their relatives and eating khasi and playing 'marriage' hehe... .the kids can learn 'Nepali', eat with their hands and watch Tito Satya and get used to the 'Nepali' way!

I hope my answers were okay... have not been able to update my blog posts due to work swork, health issues (I should stop eating out... hehe!) anyways I will try to write more often hai.