REPUBLIC!

Happy 'Rip-Off-the-Public' Day to all our politicians, sarkari hakims and the rest of the janta ko ragat chus-ney Vampires!

Our netas are having all the fun while we are barely surviving... I guess that's what all this democracy and republic crap is all about! And on Monday, It's Kathmandu Bandh once again... this time it's the 'Newa Rajya' folks!

I always thought Democracy was about living your own life without the so-called leaders telling us what to do... but thanks to our nautanki netas... and their own version of 'them-o-crazy' nataks... Nepali democracy is about fighting for power and making tons of money for your own party and karya-kartaz!

The Maoists are once again talking about 'baby king' conspiracy! Yes, this is the land of 'conspiracies'... I was having my usual 'vodka & sprite' @ this bar in Baluwatar and them old fogies were talking about the 'Royal Massacre'!

I guess some of us still live in the past. Jay bhayo ... bhayo ... get over it! According to our 'janney' mancheys... the Royal Massacre was orchestrated by the Amriki and the Indian government. Late King Birendra was about to sign some big-time contract with the Chinese government. I don't know what it was but it was BIG!

So, the Amriki and the Indian government decided to whack the whole family... and they got access to the Palace because there is an underground tunnel from Phora Durbar (The American Club) to the Naryanhiti Palace! So, a bunch of Marines decided to do the job and our Gyanu Uncle was just going along with the natak!

How come there are no conspiracy theories about our netas and how they don't seem to get whacked @ all?

All our government offices are now lighted up as if it's Diwali! Load-shedding ko bela... ma jhilli-milli batti balera hamrai taxpayer ko paisa sakhab garcha mora haroo!

Makune finally got what he wanted! And he is already kissing Desi arse! Don't blame him... that's the way it is! Janta nai bekoof bhaya pachi... neta lay kina mauj nagarnay! And didn't know our Communist leaders were into all this 'tantra-mantra' natak!

Who the @#$! cares if your pillow is facing East or West? What more can we expect from our leaders... if they can't make any decisions without the help of Jyotishiz and Desi Uncles!

And the joke of the day is :

When will our new constitution be ready?

Well, it's already ready already!

Really?

Yes, we will get it in the mail ... straight from Delhi!

(Nepali ma soonda hasoo-tcha... but Angrezi... I guess... lost in translation!)

Mission Paisa!

First ... came Kaagbeni... then Sano Sansaar and now we have Mission Paisa! Key cha common koora ? Well, Nepal ko top music video directors haru lay banayako film haru and most of the ppl say 'It sucks... mein!'

I really wanted to go watch Kaagbeni but my latthu friend said, 'It's @#$!ing too slow that I had enough time to watch the movie and work on my Master's thesis @ the same time!'.... waaa! I guess that's what we call multi-tasking!

Bhusan Dhaaal used to be the coolest dude when he had his 'Sunday Pop' program on NTV! And he's done well for himself... as the main honcho for Kantipur TV, making 1.5 lakhs per month! Usko side-job music video banau-ney... he makes like 1-2 lakhs choo-t-tai!

But with Kaagbeni, Nobody could figure out if he was making a documentary or a feature film! So, I saved my 200 Rupees!

Then came... Sano Sansaar... another music video director, Alok Name-bang and nobody could figure out if he was making a music video or a feature film. Who the @#$! dances like that in KTM? Baroo... 90 minute ko 20 oh-taa music video bana-yera film ma halday hoonthyo!

And now , we have Mission Paisa by another great music video director Simos Soon-War! Either the MP team just watched Matrix only last year or they really want to give us an action-packed dhamaka!

MP is getting whacked in FaceBook. I think our KTM's young folks are having a blast ... bitch-slapping the MP team! Film jhoor bhaye pachi film jhoor cha bhanna pani napauney?

Soon ko thaal ma khana khaye pani.. khana nai jhoor bhaya pachi key soon key la-soon?

Anyways.. we have to thank our music video directors for whatever they thought they were doing... and maybe they should stick to them 'model naachney music videos' instead of wasting their time .... with feature films!

After all... why do you want to waste your time and energy, making a feature film when you can make few lakhs by doing a 3 minute music video? And it's a piece of cake too... euta model rakhdyo, halli-na pathau and then it's done!

News Nepal TV !

If your family is into this neta-giri stuff then you are one lucky bloke/ni! Just look at Salim Miya Ansari's kid! He is starting a new TV channel... News Nepal! According to our Kukhurachor Guptachar Bivag (KGB) agents, the investment is 100+ crores!

Where did this money come from? Maybe Ansari is related to them Mogul Emperors... u know the 'Khandaani' sampati natak or his father must have made $$$ during his UML days!

I have nothing against neta-kids becoz politics in Nepal is like getting a cushy job @ some investment bank in Bidhesh! Well, you will have to be really smart or maybe get your degree from them ivy leagues but to be a Nepali Neta, all u need to know is how to shoot, loot and boot!

Remember the three +oots or else you will just be another bhoot (zombie!) like most of us!

Well, if you are one of them Wall Street financial analyst then you might take home a million dollar bonus every Christmas but for our netas, everyday is Friday and you will end up making billions and you can BS all the time!

And if you are lucky enough to be born into a nautanaki neta-family then you are set for life!

News Nepal will go on air in the next few months. They have already hired so-called experienced Nepali crew and I wish them all the luck but isn't the TV market getting crowded or am I just another claustophobic wuss?

Loot-ay-ko dhun , foo-foo ko saradhya or something like that! We all have to start somewhere. Let's not blame the kids... usko bau lay choreko paisa tuh udau-noo pari halyo ni!

At the end of the day, our netas wanted to get rid of monarchy because they all wanted to be Emperors! Yes, Gyanu Uncle made tons of money with that 'mobile' company, Girija ko chori made millions and @#$!ed our National Airlines bad. And if our Ansari kid wants to be a media tycoon then why should we worry?

This is Nepal... our politicians wanna be business(wo)men and our bya-paaris wanna be politicians! I think David Letterman once said, "rappers wanna be gangsters and gangsters wanna be rappers!" or something like that!