The End of the Handshake!

Yes, most of us are under lockdown during the pandemic but we also have to think about our life after this thing settle downs. Well, experts tell us that we have to be ready for more, like a second wave, come winter and we all have to be ready for it then as we are doing the best to protect ourselves now.

Yes, the handshake has come to an end. And I hope the high-fives and fist-bumps will end as well. So, should we do it our way, the 'Namaste' forever till the world ends. You are right, Namaste will be the only way we greet from now on unless you want to have a go at getting the coronavirus or the flu or some other virus from the usual handshakes, high-fives and fist-bumps and other physical contact when greeting someone. 

So, the world has changed. We can still shake hands and hug our families but let's not take the risk when we are out meeting friends, colleagues, lovers and foes. Social distancing might be around for a while. 

I feel sorry for shopping mall owners, movie theater owners or any other establishments that host large public gathering. But of course, we might even get 24-hour theaters and malls here back in Nepal as well if we can keep on practicing social distancing forever. Well, it might not be practical to do that but we all know now that we will facing this kind of crisis forever. The world will not be the same even after we somehow control or help to minimize the spread of COVID-19. 

Trump as usual doesn't care. Many years ago, the world looked up to America when it came to helping others or bombing third world countries or meddling in other's domestic affairs. Now, America under Trump doesn't want to do any of that. Yes, it's wrong to bomb others or work to change the regime somewhere else for oil or nukes or whatever but the US can still be a leader when it comes to providing aid and help to the developing countries and even its allies. 

But Trump came to power not to help the world but to break down his own country's system, to make America great again by destroying the 'American Dream' for the rest of us while doing nothing for his voter base either. Yes, angry white Americans did vote for Trump and so did the so-called conservatives but look where it is now.

Trump has failed his own people but it seems that his voter base and the Republic Party and the racist Fox News will always have his back. Good for him. He knows what he is doing. He attacks the media because that's what pumps up his voters. He attacks minorities and the world. In a few years, hope his voters will realize that without immigrants, America will never be a great nation. 

It was the immigrants who made America great then and will make it greater even tomorrow but only if America once again gets a President who worries about all of the citizens in his land instead of only the white people. Nothing wrong with being white but if America wasn't kind to all those immigrants from Europe then, the white Americans of today would not be in the United States, would they?

Fake News vs Google Baba

Some folks read the major dailies online to get their news. By some folks, I mean around 30% hola (that's according to my dog Twinkle) and the rest 70% only use Facebook and get their news from so-called online portals (nearly 90% of them are fake news).

We should all know by now that you should always wash your hands (at least 20 seconds, yes learn our national anthem and sing while you wash), wear masks if you are outside and social distancing is the most important of all stuff for now.

But then we have all the fake news about eating tons of garlic or eating gober or cow urine or every other nautanki tips someone can come up with.

I think it's better to use google.com aka Google Baba or Google Mata and find out more about COVID-19. This is not the time to read conspiracy theories or believe what the egghead Trump tells the world. Trump is not an expert and just because he is the President of the United States doesn't mean that he knows everything. 

Trump is a jackass and yes, he got elected and might get re-elected because he knows how to cater to his voters. No, it's not the poor White Americans only but even educated, middle-class conservatives who believe that he is the man to lead them to disintegration of Amrika.

Well, let's forget about Trump because his nataks is not going to affect any of us here in Nepal. It's our own incompetent government trying to act smart by trying to make some moolah out of medical kits and supplies from China. 

Well, our government tells us that the folks who were supposed to supply the medical stuff are no longer allowed to do so and their 5 Kaord deposit is now in our national treasury as their contract has been cancelled. But it's time our Health Minister resigned and our Oli Ba appoint a doctor or someone who knows a little more about public health to head the Health Ministry.

But Oli Ba is oily. He likes to defend every one of his courtiers even if they are corrupt and get caught in controversies here and there. Our Madame President is more worried about our Nepalis in the West than our Nepalis who are stranded across the border. We all know that our politicians and civil servants do not care much about our own people and are only interested to make a quick buck everywhere.

It's ironic that once again, citizens of this land are helping the poor and the needy by collecting funds and distributing daily essentials while our government wallahs are still trying to figure out how to make money during this crisis.

Don't be surprised if our government once again extends our lockdown for another week till April 15. After all, India is closed until then and we have seen how migrant workers in India are suffering. India was not prepared but that doesn't mean our government can get away with their own nataks.

Well, let's get back to the story of the day. Please go to WHO ko website or use Google Baba or Mata and search for news about COVID-19 or how to be safe if you are still confused how to take preventive measures to stay safe. 

The number one tip is STAY HOME.... stay with your families and if you have to go out to buy stuff or meet people, then make sure you wash your hands before and after you come back, take off your clothes after you come back (but do wear a new/fresh one and not walk around nude in the house and scare your dog!) and eat dal, bhat, tarkari (the best food on Earth) and hope things will start to be a little bit normal after April 15.

Our lazy-arse government doesn't care about contact tracing, then testing the folks and if needed isolating them from the general population for a while. Our government can a learn a thing or two from Taiwan, Singapore and even South Korea. But, they won't because they do not have the courage to use the government's fund to help the people. They think that we all owe them everything and our national treasury is theirs to loot.

Anyways, don't go crazy by using Facebook 24/7 or even Tik Tok and get burnt out for now. Read a book or two. Learn to cook at least dal, bhat and tarkari from your mother, wife, sister or whoever is the best cook in the house. Dance for at least 10 minutes per day to your favorite songs. 

And don't get depressed or paranoid by reading lots of fake news out there. And don't eat too much and spend the whole day sleeping. Read about 'flattening the curve' not fattening your curve for now.

If you are still confused on what do then do send me an email at maguffadi@gmail.com for fake tips!

Life After Corona .. or with Corona

It's been a long time since I wrote something other than the weekly column stuff for newspapers. Our hardworking government has announced that it will extend the lockdown till April 8 but we all know that our netas and civil servants will follow the 'Desi' or should we say, the 'Modi' formula and extend our lockdown period till April 15.

So, we have another two more weeks to go before we go back to 'half-normal' days. Coronavirus has taught us a few stuff. We need to wash our hands regularly. So, all men who go for the shortie and never wash their hands should start washing their hands from now on.

We should not touch our face (mouth, nose etc) for no other reason other than when we are washing our face.

Social distancing will be the buzzword until the next century. Don't be surprised if your bus fare, air fare and every other transport stuff gets expensive. Our microbus can hold 15-18 people max but our conductors can squeeze in 30. 

If we take social distancing a little too far then expect our buses, planes and trains (not here but everywhere else) to have a seat approximately 3 feet apart, which means, you will now have to pay for three seats instead of one. So your 15 Rupees micro-bus fare will jump to 45. And don't even start using that calculator on your smartphone to figure out your plane ticket from Kathmandu to Delhi!

Our movie theaters will do the same and when we go to the malls, we will get coupons and probably have to wait outside, 3 feet apart and in line for hours for our chance to stroll around the mall and not buy anything.

I think the coronavirus will be here with us for a long time. We will have to get used to it like our other 'flu' stuff.  I don't think it's going to go away like other viruses similar to the corona. 

I don't want to go on a rant about how our Health Minister is a fool or our Health Ministry officials are having a party as they figure out how to make millions of Rupees from health kits and stuff they are buying from China. 

Whenever we have a crisis, our government wallahs only think about making some dough out of it instead of helping the people. So, let us not talk about corruption for a while. We know how corrupt our buffoons are and for the moment, let us figure out how to spend another two or more weeks inside our house and not go crazy.

We are Nepalis! We adapt to anything and our earthquakes, blockades and curfews during so-many so-called andolans didn't put us down. But corona is different. Maybe, our government could do us a favor if they gave us a bora of rice, a jhola full of daal and mula ko achar and gundruk and some masyaura (nutrela ki kay bhancha... you know them soya chunks)... we really don't need any masu for now. Soya will do it for us. 

Anyways, let us stay strong and be with our families. Play ludo, scrabble, uno, skip-bo, or chess or whatever. Just play something. Dance for at least 10 minutes  a day to your favorite, Nepali, English, Hindi, Bhojpuri, or your ethnic-language song. Wash your hands for at least 20 seconds. Now is the time to learn how to sing our Nepali national anthem by heart. Well, that's it for today. 

And it's my birthday. I am getting old. I am scared. I have not changed a bit. Even the coronavirus is scared of me.... Lord, help me become a better man!

If you need advice on how to be scared and still survive then you can email me at maguffadi@gmail.com