In Tyrant We Trust!

Oli Ba and his courtiers thought that they could have it their way with their majority in the House but it now looks like when the government acts like a tyrant, the public will fight back. I think our netas have forgotten that they are here to serve the public. But in this great republic, it seems that our corrupt clowns, lazy civil servants and slimy contractors are here to rip off the public instead. 

It’s funny that our politicians now see the public as the ‘enemy’ while they use the police force to beat up protestors and even stage fake encounters and kill citizens of this land. Our IGP Saheb should understand that we do not have capital punishment in our country and it’s up to the courts to decide if the person is guilty or not. 

Our Home Ministry wallahs think that police brutality will help to keep the public in tow but what they fail to understand is if we continue to allow our police wallahs to kill people at their will then one day it will come back to haunt us all. 

It’s ironic that we have a Home Minister who knows very well how then Nepal Police used excessive force and raped, killed and tortured innocent villagers in the name of fighting an insurgency. And today, while he sits at the Home Ministry drinking chiya and biskoot, he doesn’t think a bit about how to reform the police force. 

Our police can’t figure out who killed Nirmala and have no clue about the folks behind the gold smuggling racket in this nation but tell us that they are doing a fine job. Yes, they are doing a good job providing security to our thulo mancheys while the common citizens have to run for their lives whenever they see the folks in blue.

It’s sad that our netas forget how they came to power and instead misuse their authority to amass ill-gotten wealth and make us poorer and bankrupt this country. A journalist who is now our Miscommunication Minister wants to curtail press freedom. 

Our government wanted to help the land mafia to make more money by coming up with their own ‘Guthi’ bill. And now it is going after our forest by trying to get rid of the community forest users group. I think our Oli government seems to either have crazy advisors or very cunning civil servants at respective ministries. In this age of federalism, they sure know how to take back the rights of the people instead of empowering our local bodies and the public. And our local elected representatives are no good either. 

Don’t be surprised if our local ward members also demand a luxury vehicle for themselves. If our President needs vehicles worth 18 Karods then why not give a vehicle worth 18 lakhs to our local ward members? Yes, loot as much as you can because this is the only land where those in power can do whatever they want and get away with it while those without power have to get away from this land to earn a few Dinars overseas.

Yes, take back the guthi land from the people. Take back the forest from the local community. Take back all our rights and make sure that we have no place and no voice to protest against the government’s high-handedness. 

If our Oli government had its way then the folks heading the Guthi Commission would be the ones to decide what to do with the Guthi land. And a District Forest Officer (DFO) would have the power to cancel the registration of community forest user groups. 

Yes, it’s a good thing that a DFO would have such right but here in this land, the people in power tend to misuse their authority and make a quick buck instead. Our Oli government could have done better if they carried out an awareness campaign before sending the bill to the parliament. Yes, use your own government media and tv channels to make us aware about your intentions instead of calling us names.

And our SEE results are out and as usual, public schools perform well below expectation. Our government spends billions of Rupees on public schools and most of it goes to pay our teachers’ salaries and benefits while students don’t get their textbooks on time. 

Yes, it would be good for all of us if education and health care was free in this land under the great communist rule but if we only had public schools and public health care system then only most of the funds would go to pay our teachers and doctors while, our students and patients would suffer.

And Nepal Tourism Board should not be spending a billion Rupees to host an award show for Bollywood. Why not carry out a contest for people from all over the world and give free ticket to at least hundred people from hundred countries to visit Nepal. Yes, spend your funds wisely instead of wasting it on hawatari programs. 

We don’t need Bollywood stars coming here for a day, staying in five star hotels and attending another useless award show. Why not invite Rajnikant and take him to Muktinath, Everest and other places at our taxpayers expense and you can expect millions of his fans to visit our beautiful land?

Invite the Chinese President to have a cup of jasmine tea and maybe a mooncake at Everest Base camp and we could get a million Chinese tourist up there. Invite all actors from the Game of Thrones and pay their first-class airfare and accommodation for a breakfast at Manang for a reunion or something  and expect millions of GoT fans to come here. 

We don’t need Salman Khan to come here to promote Nepal.  Invite Liverpool FC to play a friendly game with our national team. Pay them a million dollars if needed but it will surely be worth it. 

Get the British Embassy involved or the Queen herself. Nepal Tourism Board needs to think outside the box. But of course, all those  in power and access to government funds live in a bubble in this land and it’s time somebody burst their bubble. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Oli’s Euro Vacation

Our great Prime Minister Oli Ba is having fun in Europe while our Nepal Police is busy using their boots, laathis and water canon against peaceful protestors who are not happy with the government’s Guthi Bill. Oli Ba should now visit a few African and South American countries, Australia and even Anatartica and become the first Nepali Prime Minister to visit all the continents. 

Yes, waste our taxpayers money while you can because Oli’s time in Baluwatar will come to an end soon. Come next election, most of the Nepalis will probably vote for Rajesh Hamal’s political party rather than make Deuba our PM again. Imran Khan finally became PM of Pakistan. Imran is like Rajesh Hamal of Pakistan. He is educated, well-spoken, dresses well, handsome and is likable and not like our evil netas. 

So, Rajesh Dai it’s about time you opened a political party. Sorry, Rabindra Mishra and Ujjwal Thapa couldn’t hack it. But our superstar should be our PM and hopefully one day, all Nepalis will be making at least 1 croroe a year rather than only our manpower sahujis, thekedars and chor byaparis and not forget our hakim sahebs and netas who get chiya kharcha from these tax evading evil doers.

Our protestors think that land mafia will steal all of the Guthi’s property across the country. These chors do not need any laws to steal land from the government or even the public. They have been stealing for all these years but our government want to make it easier for them to sell such land to others and make billions and even trillions of Rupees in the coming years. 

Yes, it’s about time we offended the Newars in the valley and scrap all the jatras because we can do away with our culture and tradition. We don’t have a King anymore. We have a Rastrapati who is more expensive than the King. We now have hundreds of mini-Maharajas who gets to waste billions of Rupees from our treasury. 

The King failed when he had the chance. And now our netas are failing us and making us doubt them again. If this is how our netas roll then one day, we might be under the Army’s rule or just be a puppet state for our chimeki. 

Oli Ba goes to Switzerland to eat Toblerone and yodel. If Oli Ba really wants to make our land like Switzerland then he should follow the Swiss model where citizens can challenge any laws passed by the federal assembly. Yes, Oli Ba do not violate our right to speak freely, to assemble freely and to practice our faith without fear of persecution. 

And please respect our human rights and it’s about time our security forces practice restraint instead of showing us their kung fu skills because if you continue to use violence then one day, the people will go crazy and all your tear gas, water cannon and even real bullets will not stop them from exercising their right to protest. Let us hope that day will not come because at the end of the day, we are all Nepalis and our IGP saheb should understand that as well. 

Oli Ba goes to the UK and tells the British that he believes in democracy, free speech and all that natak that comes with being a democratic country. Oli Ba tells the world that freedom of speech is crucial to develop a country and make it prosperous. 

But the government’s plan to control the media and use force against peaceful protestors clearly shows that our great communist government on Earth does not support freedom of speech in our land and if we were to believe Oli and what he said in the UK then he does not want to develop this country or see us prosperous. 

He just wants to make all the mafia wallahs from the transportation sector to medical to land happy and get some chiya kharcha from them. Oli boasts about spending 14 years in prison in his fight against the Pancheys. But he has forgotten it all since he became our Prime Minister.

And what’s up with the Queen not inviting Oli Ba for high tea at Buckingham Palace. We, Nepalis must protest peacefully in front of the British Embassy here for dissing our PM. Okay, the Queen must be busy but why not Prince Charles or even Prince William? . 

Nothing wrong with Harry. He is a nice lad and he’s been to Nepal to help out to build a school or two but it may be time for the government to finally scrap the so-called three-way treaty with the British and the Indians that allows them to recruit our folks in their armies. Yes, scrap the Singapore deal as well.

Oli should just call Trump and make him an offer he can’t refuse. Allow Nepalis to be recruited to the US Army and at least they will get benefits and other perks to finish their college and someday settle down there while it took the British hundreds of years to finally allow Nepalis who served in the British Army to settle down in the UK.  But of course, Trump doesn’t want to do anything with the immigrants. 

Maybe, we can wait until 2020 or four years after because American voters do go wild once in a while. And the American deal will make is impossible for our chimekis to act funny. But if our government was really smart then they would offer the deal to the UN wallahs. 

Yes, let us scrap the Nepal Army and make them the UN Peacekeeping Force. Our Generals and soldiers will get paid more and get more respect from the world. The charm and honor of serving in the Nepal Army is not like it was before the so-called civil war. And Nepal Police has a major image problem and the people have more negative impression of them than when they were wearing the ‘bora’ color as their police dress.

Oli Ba aslo met with the British Prime Minister Theresa May who resigned in May is on her way out.  Oli Ba must have also enjoyed some frog legs in France. Maybe our politicians should learn a thing or two from the netas around the world. 

Yes, they do resign when they feel that they have failed the country or the party or the people but here in our land, our netas don’t want to resign even when we all know that they have sold our country to the highest bidder.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Whose Budget Is It Anyway?

This is the second time, our great communist government on Earth has presented the budget for this great land of ours. We all thought things would get better once we had an almost two-third majority government in place. But boy, we have never been so wrong in our lives. 

Oli and his crew seems to be stuck in the 90s and think that we will all pat them on their back for increasing the chiya kharcha for our senior citizens, widows, orphans and disabled folks in this country. Well, we have heard about our government employees pocketing millions of Rupees meant for the needy people. 

Roughly two million Nepalis are expected to receive some form of social security allowances but how far will Rs 3,000 go for our grannies and grandpas and what will our  widows and the needy do with the Rs 2,000 they are now expected to receive from our national coffer? Do expect nearly half of the funds meant for the needy people to be pocketed by those responsible of distributing these funds. 

That’s how our low-level sarkari folks get to make some money on the side. You know this great country of ours is going down the drain when our sarkarki chors ask for Chiya Kharcha from the Chiya Kharcha meant for the poor and the needy.

Our comrades had earlier promised Rs 5,000 for our senior citizens when they were campaigning before the federal elections. But of course, our netas also promise us 40,000 MW of electricity in a decade and the water from Melamchi by Dashain. 

And we can’t blame our chor netas for not fulfilling their promises because they actually never give us a fixed date of completion for any of their dream projects. So, Melamchi by Dashain might mean the Dashain next year or in the year 2030 AD. And when will we finally be able to generate 40,000 MW of electricity and sell most of it to India?  Just check the date for the next Halley’s Comet. 

Singapore was a malaria-infested swamp land sixty years ago and look at it now. Our land is a God’s gift to the world. We have the highest mountain on earth and the bravest and hardworking folks but how did we go wrong when it comes to politics? Maybe, we should learn a thing or two from the last episode from the Game of Thrones. 

Where can our thulo mancheys find their ‘Bran the Broken’? Maybe, Bam Dev could be our PM next time and let’s give him a chance to lead us into the future. After all, Bam’s story is as close to Bran from GoT if we look it from a political perspective. And one word of advice for Bam as if our politicians take any advice from us is that you have to rule by love and not by fear. 

Don’t try to scare us with fines and jail sentences so that we will shut our mouth and look the other way when our sarkari folks are looting us blind. The Shree Tins tried it. The Pancheys tried it. And now our comrades want to use the same formula of Hukumi Shashan.Well, it didn’t work then and it is not going to work now. 

And let’s go back to our Budget Bhasan again. Our Finance Minister, the former Nepal Rastra Bank Governor thinks we are better off with taking less money when we go abroad and has also cut down on how much we can spend across the border in Modi-land. 

Yes, let us not forget to congratulate Modi for his victory and let us not forget our Oli acting like our Maharaja by screwing up the flight schedules at our only international airport as he wanted to attend Modi’s swearing-in ceremony. 

Why not take a direct Kathmandu to Delhi night bus and show us that our comrades are for the people and not only for cadres, contractors and civil servants?

Our government has once again hiked the salaries of our civil servants, public school teachers and security personnel. Yes, our civil servants really need salary increment every year because it is difficult to do with the meager government salary. 

But, I think our government forget that our civil servants, especially the thulo mancheys don’t need the government salary at all. How on Earth do our hakim sahebs make enough to send their kids to Amrika and other western countries, buy apartments there and still be able to build mini-mansions here in the valley? Just ask the contractor for Melamchi or even the Ncell wallahs. 

Our hakim sahebs and netas only dream about commissions from all contractors while the common folks can only dream of a better tomorrow but even that is wishful thinking and we know the true reality we face every day.

Our government tells us that the salary hike will motivate our civil servants and help them to serve the public better. Yes, and Oli tells us that we are a dust-free city but he forgets to mention that come heavy rain for an hour and our capital turns into a mini-Venice. Yes, Nepal Tourism can promote our land for Monsoon by offering free rafts and boating services to tourists in the valley.

And our lawbreakers, the ones who were elected should be happy that our government has increased the constituency dumpling fund by 50%. Now, our elected MPs in the federal parliament will get 6 Karods to help the folks in their constituencies to build new temples and welcome gates which helps only the few and most of the beneficiaries will be their own cadres. 

Yes, even the ‘Afno Gaun, Afai Banau’natak once again is the same way to dole out funds for your own cadres. Most of our young lads and ladies in the villages have gone abroad to make a few Dinars more while only the young and the old remain back home. 

Maybe, it’s time for ‘Afno Desh, Afai Banau’ campaign and ask our netas and hakim sahebs to decrease their Chiya Kharcha fee from the rest of us and let us stop using foreign goods for a year and see how much we can save. How about our VVIPs riding around town in bicycles for a year and lead us by example instead of looting us more.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com