Oli is Back!

Let us hope that Oli Ba is refreshed after more than a week long vacation visiting Vietnam and Cambodia. I think he could have saved us millions of Rupees if he had just booked his ticket with one of our travel agencies in town that offers vacation packages for ASEAN countries. We know we have made it only when our loafers fly Economy and take less than a dozen people when travelling overseas on so-called official visits.

Our President got done visiting China a few weeks ago and now Oli is back in town after wasting our taxpayers money. Our netas think that they need to travel to foreign lands to show us that they are thulo mancheys. 

Why can’t our President do a nation-wide tour and visit all of our districts? Yes, spend a year outside the valley so that we don’t have to whine and honk whenever she heads to the airport or any other ribbon-cutting ceremonies in town. 

I think it’s about time we send our Vice President Nanda Dai abroad as well. Let the man enjoy some time with his family in Singapore or Thailand or even Maldives or Mauritius. 

After all, our Vice President is the only VVIP who sought treatment at home for his illness rather than wasting millions of Rupees abroad. But we know what kind of a person our VP is. 

The man would rather go to Dolpa and spend a week there instead of going to foreign lands. Maybe Nanda Dai should be our President next time. And after Nanda Dai’s tenure then our politicians should do us a favor by making sure that we have a President we can look up to and be proud of. Kami Rita Sherpa could be our President then. 

Yes, then we will have world leaders coming to meet him in Nepal to shake his hands rather than our President begging for invitation to foreign lands to attend conferences where a presence of a mid-level government official is enough.

Well, so why did Oli visit Vietnam and Cambodia instead of the Vatican and Chile? Why Vatican? Well, he could be the first PM to meet the Pope and it could be a good time to promote Visit Nepal 2020 among the 1.2 billion Roman Catholics. And then visit Mecca and promote Nepal to 1.8 billion Muslims. 

I think it would be best if Oli should just go on a world tour and visit all the countries in the world and help to finish Nepal Tourism’s hefty budget.  And what about Chile?  Well, we could at learn from them about strong building codes and how to have buildings still standing up and minimizing loss of lives during major earthquakes.

And let us not worry about our country not having a PM at home for a year because this land has been functioning on auto-pilot for the past decade and it doesn’t make any difference if no one is home at Baluwatar. It doesn’t make any difference to us if Oli, Prachanda or Deuba or a fortune teller from Ratnapark lives in Baluawatar. 

We have yet to have a PM who wants to lead this country because most of the folks who have lived in Baluwatar have been led by civil servants, contractors and cadres.

Oli tells us that he visited Vietnam and Cambodia because he wants to see for himself how these two countries have been doing great lately. But politicians are pathological liars. If you ask the real Oli then the reason he visited these two countries is because he dreams of the political system set up there. Vietnam is a Marxist-Leninist one-party state. 

In Vietnam, the Communist Party is the only political party legally allowed to have some fun. Oli dreams of his party only being the only circus company allowed to entertain us. But I think Oli forgets that his party maybe communist but he is a democratically elected PM and the last time we had a one-party state was thirty years ago. 

So, Maybe, it’s time we got done with the current system as well. We have seen the Monarchy and the Mandaleys and we were not happy with them. We have seen the Morons and they have looted more than our Rana uncles did. Yes, the Shree Tins had all the fun then but at least built the palaces for themselves. If not for them, then our President would today be living in a hut and our government offices would be out there in the fields. 

Well, the Shree Tins didn’t do much for the country apart from the palaces. At least during the time of the Pancheys, we had a brick factory, a cement factory, a churot factory, trolley bus and Sajha Bus running its network all over the country and our national carrier used to fly to London and Frankfurt. 

Our morons couldn’t even give us a new national stadium and we had to do with the old Panchey-made stadium and it is still under renovation since the Earthquake. So, we have seen the Ranas, we have seen the Shahs and we have seen our freeloaders. What do we want to see next? Our Maoist and Madhesi netas weren’t any good either. 

And Oli thinks he can learn a thing or two from Cambodia. Well, the only thing “Lord Prime Minister, Supreme Military Commander Hun Sen” can teach Oli or our fellow communist is how to stay in power for three decades and continue to have fun. After all, Cambodia is a one-party dominant state. 

Yes, Oli’s dream is our national nightmare. Oli will not be around in thirty years but he thinks he will be around forever. He is not a Satya Mohan Joshi. We are a Kakistocracy where this land is ruled by the least qualified and shameless buffoons. If we were a democracy then Joshi would be our President now.  

And if our media wallahs have to pay millions in fines and spend decades in jail for writing the truth then what does our government propose for the clowns who have been spewing lies and selling this country to the highest bidder? 

Well, just ask Pathak, our former CIAA commissioner  and many of  those who have managed to become judges, Ambassadors and hakim sahebs in government agencies to figure out how our netas reward the traitors and want to jail the patriots. If we do not stand up now then our human rights, freedom of the press and everything our martyrs fought for will be lost. 

Oli wants to be a Hun Sen. He can’t be because in a year, our comrades will break up and our Emperor will probably make a deal with Deuba and it’s once again the same old natak for us to enjoy.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Shift the Capital!

It’s about time our incompetent government seriously thinks about moving our capital to another city. Yes, our netas have been talking about this for a long time and so have we but it’s now time to talk the talk and walk the walk. We can’t have airports shutting down just because a VIP is leaving for a foreign land. 

I think it is better if we pay the Nepal Army to build their own airbase and our chor netas can fly in and out from there instead of using our only international airport and giving us all a hard time. Visit Nepal 2020 is round the corner and what message does it send to the tourists when our airport is closed for a VIP and they have to miss their flights back home.

And our concerned agencies should either move our domestic airport somewhere else or open the TIA for 24 hours and schedule international flights at night and the domestic ones for the day. Forget Nijgadh or Pokhara or Bhairahawa. 

I don’t think we neither have the capacity or the resources to handle three of four different international airports. Our civil servants never do their homework and our netas are only interested to make a quick buck while in power. That’s why nothing really happens in this country except corruption from thulo mancheys and only frustration for the common folks.

We can’t have our roads closed for hours to let the VIP on his or her way to the airport. I think it is better if our netas thought about the people for once  and asked their personal aides to schedule programs in the early morning or late evenings so that we the people do not waste our energy honking our horns and creating more noise pollution. 

And our Ministry of Foreign Affairs wallah should at least give some advice to our VVIPs when they are on foreign trips abroad. Do not make a fool of yourself. So, learn how table manners and even how to walk or even get off the plane. Just watch Trump and how he does on Air Force One. We can’t have our Madame President and her entourage walk down the plane as if they are done shopping at Bhatbhateni. 

And Madame President, why are you attending conferences abroad just for the sake of wasting our taxpayers money? If you really want to go to on a world tour then visit the Vatican and meet the Pope. Go to Amrika and give a speech from the White House Lawn celebrating Nepal-US friendship. 

Go visit the Queen and remind her that the Gurkhas have been serving the British Crown for two hundred years and have yet to get the respect from the British. Visit Singapore and remind the Prime Minister that the Nepalis serving in Singapore Police should not face such discrimination, especially their kids who have to leave Singapore when their fathers finish their service.

I think we can solve some of our VVIP-induced traffic jams if we shift the capital elsewhere. Chitwan would be the best place to shift our very very irritating people who have no shame wasting our taxpayers money on luxury vehicles, chiya kharcha and medical treatment abroad. 

I think our Emperor should ask Oli Ba to come up with a plan to shift all things government to Chitwan and Renu Didi can also benefit from it as well. It’s time our freeloaders moved out of the Kathmandu Valley so that the 6 million residents here do not have to deal with traffic jams and out of control Armed Police Force vehicles escorting our chors every other day.

Our Madame President seems to be living in a bubble with no access to TV, newspapers or even social media stuff. The people are pissed that they have to wait for hours while our Madame President gets out of the President’s House to attend another ribbon-cutting function or when she makes a trip overseas. And we all thought we were done with such nataks but boy, we were so wrong, weren’t we?

We thought things would change once Gyanu Uncle left the building but it seems that we just got rid of one King so that hundreds of mini-maharajas and maharanis could enjoy the show. And our greatest communist government on Earth has lost face with its nataks to curb press freedom, peaceful assembly and has been trying to control us all with new laws that would even put the North Koreans to shame.

I think our comrades fail to understand that even our Rana uncles had to leave the building and the House of Shah is no more ruling the country and one day, they too will lose elections and be the opposition. So please treat Deuba kindly because his astrologer has predicted another tenure at Baluwatar for our King from Dadeldhura. 

And who knows, our Emperor might switch partners come next election because the man is a magician and he always comes up with new magic tricks to enthrall us all.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Medals for Sale

Let us congratulate all those who received medals from our great communist government this week. This is the land where fake VAT bill byaparis get awarded with Supraval Janasewa Shree medal from the President. Yes, a tax evader gets awarded for evading taxes. I think we should release all criminals from our prisons and instead jail all hardworking, law-abiding citizens. After all, this government thinks those who voice their opinion are traitors. 

A person who has yet to clear his Nepal Medical Council (NMC) exams gets a medal as well for his role as a doctor in helping earthquake victims. I think somebody forgot to remind our government that one cannot call himself or herself a doctor unless one clears the NMC exam. And government officials who get those medals then get arrested a year later for corruption. I think we need to hold the so-called medal selection committee accountable. 

But of course, our thulo mancheys are never held accountable in this country. Only the small fishes get caught whereas the big sharks pay off or make a deal and go home. Whatever happened to our great Super Hero Lok Man Karki? We hear that he made billions from extortion but nobody is going to go after him anytime soon. 

And even now, our former CIAA commissioner Pathak Sir is not going to jail anytime soon even though he is caught on tape taking sweets. Isn’t it ironic that the thulo manchyes of the agency tasked to fight corruption are themselves busy extorting byaparis and civil servants and even netas? 

Somebody needs to remind our government that just because a byapari or a so-called social worker has the connection or has paid off folks that they should be awarded government medals. I think our government should be ashamed and apologize to some of the genuine folks who did receive the medals from our President for really contributing to the betterment of this country.

I think we seem to have lot of ‘fakers’ who get medals from our government. After all, this government is run by fake leaders who are actually free loaders. It would be nice if our country was run by fakirs instead. 

At least they would not loot us all and award medals, ambassadorship, seats of justice and other government positions to near and dear ones if they were fakirs because of their vows of poverty and renouncing all material stuff and relationships. But that’s  not the case with our netas who once had vowed to end corruption, poverty and everything that’s bad with our country. 

Now, they are in power and they are the ones who most engage in corruption, make the common citizens poorer every day and instead of good governance, they are busy misusing their power to make some dough at the expense of the taxpayers of this country.

This is the land where government land is sold to byaparis and the government can’t do a thing about it because the Land Revenue Office folks can’t find the documents to take action against the chors. And it’s time somebody remind the government that banning everything is not the solution to resolve our country’s problems. 

This country is not going down the drain because some folks want to play games online. This country is not going down the drain because some of us use social media to express our opinions. This country is not going down the drain because journalists write about business deals gone wrong. 

But this country is going down the drain because our politicians want to shut us up and continue to loot freely without being held accountable. This country is going down the drain because our civil servants extort contractors and common citizens and set aside commissions for the thulo mancheys. This country is going down the drain because of corrupt politicians and hakim sahebs. 

So what can we do to end corruption, eradicate poverty and minimize pollution in our land? We need to shame our corrupt buffoons. Our media wallahs should have a wall of shame in their websites or only write about corruption in our land instead of writing about ribbon cutting ceremonies and where our clowns meet at a resort to talk politics. It’s time for a black-out of anything to do with politics. Let us not give our politicians the space to spew venom or fool us all every time with their jokes.

We also have our own ‘fake’ journalists as well but of course, we will all have bad apples everywhere. But it’s about time our media wallahs really focused on investigative journalism and go after the big sharks and our civil society leaders should stop playing politics and fight against the chors of today. Where are our so called intellectuals who were not scared to stand up against a monarch but now are scared to fight against a thousand-headed monster?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com