Bora full of Promises!

It’s been a month since our Emperor got to live in Baluwatar and he has come up with a bora full of promises that we all know that he can't and will never keep. Why do our politicians keep on promising us the moon when they can't even lower the price of lasoon?

Our Prime Monster tells us that he will bring other chors on board and expedite the constitution implementation process. We all know that our chors will only get on the ship if they are offered boras full of cash, state perks and ministerial portfolios. If not, they will just agree to disagree on everything and make our lives more miserable and difficult. 

Our Emperor tells us that he has increased the grant assistance to our earthquake victims by a lakh Rupees. Now, our brothers and sisters who have been displaced by the Big One will get 3 lakhs as grant and five lakhs in loans. 

It's funny that mundreys get to be martyrs and their families get a million Rupees but the real needy ones get less than that and that too in installments. 

Our incompetent and corrupt government thinks that it will get all the assistance pledged by our bidhesi donors. But the bideshis are a smart lot and they can't be played by our netas like our netas play us all for suckers and get away with it.

It’s been more than a year and half since the earthquake and most of the victims have not even received the 50,000 as the first installment yet. So to expect our government to provide the grants and loans within this year is like expecting the North Koreans to test their nukes all the way to Mars by Christmas. It's not going to happen!

Instead of reforming the transportation sector, our Emperor thinks he can control the syndicate system in this country by running government buses in major cities in the country. Whoever gave him this idea must have plans to make quick bucks by providing the buses to our government. And as with all other government contracts, there will be commissions to be made and we all know who will make a Rupee or two.

If our government really wants to end the syndicate system in our country then scrap this route permit natak and shut down all the so-called yatatyat samitis in the country. 

Let everyone who wants to, offer  transportation services without obstruction from mundeys and byaparis who continue to run old rusty buses and charge us exorbitant  prices to use their services while burning down buses of new operators willing to provide us better service. 

In the old days, we had the Sajha buses plying across the country. Maybe, we should provide 1,000 buses to Sajha and allow them to provide services all across the country. But then our Lord Lokman will come up with something and take over the tender process and make some money along the way.

If we were to believe our Prime Monster, we will all get printed bills from our taxi wallahs instead of having to agree on a price without the use of meter before taking the ride. 

This is a country where an increase in traffic violation, or crackdown on tampered meters awaken our taxi and bus wallahs to take to the streets and show us their strength by disrupting the traffic in the capital. And we all know that our taxi wallahs will follow the law for a month or two and then it will back to the 'name your price' and 'let me think about it' nataks.

Our government plans to establish universities and medical colleges in each of our seven provinces. I think it would be better to start such projects later after we get the federal model right and our political parties all agree on the province stuff.  Allow the local government then to study and work on such projects instead. 

The role of the central government should be look after law and order, foreign policy and projects of national interest. Other than that, it would be better if we allow the provincial government to do what's right for their provinces.

A month ago, our Prime Monster directed our civil servants to figure out how many of our brothers and sisters are in foreign jails. Well, our civil servants and lazy bums would rather extort our migrant workers instead of working to help them. 

Our politicians keeps on instructing while our civil servants keep on procrastinating. That's how this system works and why the public never get the services entitled to them from the government without obstruction and without having to pay chiya kharcha to our civil servants.

Our government has promised an effective system to help the migrant workers stranded overseas.  Those serving jail terms overseas will get 5 lakhs as seed money to pay the so-called blood money while the government also seeks help from NRNs and us Nepalis here as well to help our migrant workers. 

Whatever happened to our migrant workers' welfare fund (MWWF)?  It seems that migrant workers suffer while those in power will have fun with the funds worth 3 billion Rupees. 

As usual, the government forms a panel to investigate misuse of the MWWF funds. The panel will receive chiya kharcha to meet up and waste the taxpayers money and they will come up with a report that will never be made public because if it were then our politicians and civil servants will have to go to jail. 

But Lokman will get hold of the report and go after the small fishes while making some dough from the thulo mancheys as well.

And as usual our Prime Monster has come up with the same never-ending joke in his speech to the nation. Like always, this government will work to end load shedding by building three hydropower projects through investment from the public to generate 1,200 MW of electricity. 

Yes, let us all stand up and applaud for it seems that load shedding will end soon and we can finally not have to update our load shedding schedule. But of course, our government promises us everything, our politicians and civil servants make all the moolah while the public gets nothing. No wonder, we are now the Federal Democratic 'Rip-Off-the-Public' of Nepal!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Medical Tourism

Our former President wants 3 karod so that he can seek medical treatment for his prostate problems in Amrika. Our government has so far offered to foot in at least 60 lakhs for now and will cover the rest later. 

It seems that only politicians and thulo mancheys get free cash from the state for their medical treatment abroad while most of us, common folks either have to sell our house, exhaust our life savings or seek medical treatment at government hospitals that lack everything. 

Let us not only blame our former President for wanting to promote medical tourism in Amrika. Our former Prime Monster KP Oli has already spent more than a Karod from the state treasury for his treatment overseas and so have other politicians. 

Our former President is a doctor and he knows very well that his prostate problems can be taken care of at home. But why does he want to go to the land of the free and take three folks along with him? If you can get free cash from the state then why not plan a vacation for your near and dear ones?

Our netas go to Thailand and Singapore for medical treatment. We don't know if they go overseas to really seek medical advice or visit foreign hands who offer them cash to promote their self-interest in our land.  

Our netas seem to be blind because they like bidhesi whiskey more than the usual vitamins you get from saag-sabji. They visit foreign countries but are neither inspired nor motivated to copy the good things these foreign lands offer. 

Why can't we have at least one international standard hospital in the country? We could save billions of Rupees in travel and medical expense for our crooked politicians if we can do that and hope our citizens do get the same treatment at affordable price as well.  

But even then our politicians will figure out ways to travel abroad at our taxpayers expense. After all, these clowns only know how to loot the state treasury and they are not going to change overnight.

Now, even our former MPs are demanding cash to seek treatment in foreign lands. I think these bloodsucking parasites should wait until our King Deuba becomes our Prime Monster in eight months. After all, Deuba Dai knows how to win the hearts and minds of our politicians. Then, he gave them tax-free Pajeros and this time, he will probably provide free gift hampers worth more than those vehicles.

Our government hospitals lack adequate medical equipment, supplies and human resources. The so-called government doctors all have their private clinics and refer the patients there instead of providing free treatment to the needy.

Our private hospitals continue to fleece us all by charging exorbitant amounts for medical treatment.  And most of our netas have investment in such hospitals and that's the reason why our incompetent government rarely takes any action against these hospitals. 

We even need to ask our chimeki's help to build a trauma center in the city. And once they are done with the handover, we have yet to operate it because whoever is in power is only interested to make quick money instead of reforming the health care system in the country. 

The Singaporean government should make our King Deuba their brand ambassador for medical tourism. Then he can receive free business class tickets and even free medical care in the Lion City. At least, our government can save millions then. The Thai Embassy here should honor Oli and make him their ambassador to promote medical tourism in Thailand. 

Our Bir Hospital has a VVIP ward and our former Rajas and their families were okay with it but it's not okay anymore for our new Maharajas who only to travel abroad and waste our money. We all know that our politicians have no shame when it comes to spending our money. It seems that these buffoons think that this country owes them everything for their so-called sacrifices to fight the previous regime. 

Who will stop such misuse of power and money? Should we wait another decade for another set of players to change the system and then they too will abuse their power and authority like the previous ones?

I think we should just ask all the countries in the world to adopt at least one of our politicians. So, whenever they need the so-called medical treatment, they can get free air ambulances and what not from their hosts. 

Maybe, we should just go a step further and ask the countries with cash to adopt at least one of our districts.  Let us not worry about the bideshis colonizing our districts. We already seem to be somewhat of a colony for our chimeki. 

Our netas beg for cash, scholarships for their children and in return, they carry out works promoting the interest of our chimekis. Yet, our clowns preach us about nationalism and talk about never bowing down to our chimekis while they bow down even to our Desi ambassador in town. No wonder, even a low-level civil servant at the Indian Embassy seems to get more respect from our politicians!

We celebrated 'Fathers' Day' a few days ago. And our women will be celebrating Teej. Let us all wish our politicians, except a few bachelors a Happy Fathers' Day and hope that they will work together to help millionsof children in this land instead of only looking after the interest of their children. 

And for our women folks, let us ask our mothers, wives, sisters to not only organize dance parties and have fun but take to the streets to warn our netas that they should stop misusing their power and wasting our taxpayers money for their own personal gain. 

Maybe, we can wait till Dashain and hope that our women will be our Goddess Durga or Joan of Arc to fight the demons who rule our land. Yes, the enemy is not our chimeki or some other foreign hands. The enemy is within us but who will at least lead us all to fight them?

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Faction Distraction!

Our great Kangaroos have finally managed to figure out whom to send to represent them in the new government. Earlier, the Maoist and the morons had agreed to go with 8 and 13 ministries but I guess our Emperor has shown us that he is flexible by doling out two more to the Kangaroos so that they can satisfy their own folks.

It took them 23 days to come up with 13 warriors. And like everything else in our society, our King Deuba has to deal with factions and make sure he keeps them happy as well. Poudel Ba gets five, Sitaula gets one and Deuba gets seven this time. We already have two other Kangaroo ministers from Deuba panel as well. 

So why do we need the quota system in everything from Supreme Court Justices to Ambassadors to Mantris and even hakim sahebs in our government agencies? Well, the answer is our political parties need to make some dough because they need to fight elections in the future and our netas need to make Karods so that they have enough to last another generation. 

Our netas come to the valley with torn shirts and worn-out slippers and in a decade, they ride around in luxury vehicles, live in mansions and their kids settle down abroad or get involved in government contracts to mint more money.

Our Emperor also has to make sure his so-called united Maoist stay together. But the factions who came back will only stick together as long as they receive opportunities to make some dough at the expense of our taxpayers. 

Yes, the only goal for our political parties once they get into power is to loot the state treasury, extort from our civil servants in return for lucrative postings and promotions and receive kickbacks and what not from con artists who win government contracts for projects that seem to go on for decades.

King Deuba is just waiting to have a good time again. Only eight months to go and then he gets to live in Baluwatar again. He will be swift to make decisions not to help the country and the people but to help himself and his near and dear ones. It's time to make more moolah for the King and his courtiers. 

Gagan Thapa is finally a mantri. Once, he was looked upon as our future leader, the voice of the youth and what not. Well, after the 'Ghaitey' encounter, we have come to realize that he is no different from our other netas who have mundreys under their wings and use their help to further their own political careers.

Gagan is now our Health Minister. So what does a Health Minister do in this land? Well, the civil servants will advise the minister whom to appoint, promote and transfer for cash full of boras. And then make money off medial equipments, medicines and any contracts out there. 

If Gagan really wants to win our hearts and mind then he should visit all our government hospitals all across the country. Yes, go on a field visit, spend a month or two outside the valley. Then, come up with a master plan to reform the healthcare system in the country. 

Take action against doctors receive their paycheck from the state but refer the patients to their own private clinics. Make sure our government hospitals are equipped with adequate resources and provide quality healthcare services to the public. He has eight months to prove himself. Let us hope he does his job well.

Our Prime Monster, the great Emperor thinks he has done enough with his direction to our high ranking civil servants to win the hearts and minds of the people by doing their job. So far, our sarkari hakims have done nothing. Shutting down petrol pumps and supermarkets is good news but we all know that the wrong doers will go back to their old ways once they have paid off our thulo mancheys.

At the end of the day, it's our civil servants who run the system and if they are not doing their job, we the people suffer miserably.

So how can we motivate our civil servants? Our comedian Oli gave them a salary hike and nothing happened. Our byaparis have all hiked the prices of their goods a day after the budget bhasan and we, the people now pay 20-30% more than two months ago. 

Our civil servants do not need salary hike, dress allowance and other perks. Most of them make double their state salaries from chiya kharcha provided by the service seekers. The peon will make double, the section officers will make five times more and the hakim sahebs will make millions. Everybody gets their share and everybody is happy except us the people!

Our netas are stuck in a quicksand of faction distraction. They can never get out of it because they can't piss of their own cadres. If they do, they will lose elections and will no longer get the opportunity to misuse the power and make millions. We have hundreds of political parties in this land. But it's just handful that are in the game and they will do everything possible to share the loot amongst themselves while bankrupting the country. 

Yes, keep on sharing and looting. Enjoy it while it lasts because all good things must come to an end some day.  We have seen the Shree Tins, we have the seen the Mandaleys and we are now into the age of 'Maoist, Morons and Madhesi combo plans'. Let's hope we will finally get the leadership we deserve by the end of this decade.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com