A Visit to the Zoo!

I started them New Year with a bang sang kyaaruh! Well, not beating them maa-dawl saa-dal etiyaadi but visited our one and only National Zoo Soo!

The last tyam I was at them Zoo was back in the 90s! I bunked them classes and spent like a month in them Zoo until ... one day the Vice Principal called my Mom and asked if I had died or something like that!

My Mom was furious and I got like a 'few karate chops' , and some slapping and the next day ... I was back to School!

The VP threatened to expel me ... then I was asked to visit the Principal's Office! He asked me why... I didn't come to school for a whole month.. and I replied, 'Father, I was busy writing my novel sovel kya... and I thought them Zoo would be the perfect place to write them book sook!'

He just smiled and I was off the hook... hehe.. sometimes, it's good to tell the truth kyaaruh!

The Zoo hasn't changed much... a little bit cleaner .. I guess! And lots of them 'green' trash cans but lotsa orange-peels and badaam ko khosta littered around it .. hehe!

And them ticket price chahi.. Rs 50 for 'Bya-shock' and Rs 25 for them Kids (4-12 rey!)... that's all fine ... becoz Zoo ko pani tuh maintenance garnoo paryo ni!

But .. what the hell is 'Bya-shock' .. sounds very disgusting ... like a 'male gigolo' jastai... hehe!

Anyways... hope our 'National Trust for Nature Conservation' folks will manage them money soney well!

And I still don't get it.. I understand them Juddha Dai (The House of Shamshers!) haroo lay afno laagi 'Personal Zoo' kholyo holan.. taruh why is Juddha Dai ko Vow-Zoo and Moo-Maa ko statue ni Zoo vitra!

I find it very funny sunny that our so-called leaders want to do away with them 'House of Shah' ko statue haroo but I guess they want to leave the "Ranas" alone holan ni!

And I didn't see any Zoo ko karmachaaris around... they must have been busy ghaam-taaping somewhere!

Kasai Kasai lai tuh 'Up close & Personal' view nai cha-hinay.. fence sence chadey-ruh .. animal sanimal ko photo... mobile lay khich-noo parney rey!

Next tyam... just push that guy .. fence vitra nai ... heheh!

Found out we have like 3 Hippos, 1 Rhino , 1 'seto' moosa etiyaadi!

The Zoo is like ... where people from all over the country .. hang out rahecha!

I think our Ministry of Foreign Affairs should start distributing them 'Passport' forms from them Zoo Soo.. so that people can visit them animals, fill up them forms while they enjoy them soontalaz and badaams ni!

Then went for some boating soating.. Rs 25 for Thulo manchey ani Rs 15 for baccha haroo rey!

The guy with the Raft was busy complaining... 'Mero kay kay kaam thiyo, aajuh yeha aun-ai parney rey'...

I am a born Guffdai .. so guff suff dinuh sooroo gari haaley ni mailey pani!

The guy is a professional kayaker rey.. ani sabai tyam syam tuh Khola naala ma bee-tau-cha rey!

He is only 19... so by the tyam he is 25.. he will probably be married to a 'Canadian' or some 'Dutch' lady and teaching kids there.. how to row them boat soat hola!

Yes... our bhais in them 'Rafting business' are good at everything rey! Kuirey-ni girlfriend tuh harek season ma change sange rey!

Good for him.. my only advice was 'Always practice safe shakes!' ... tyo bhanda badi kay bhanney... bhai nai 'Hero' bhaye-pachi.. Dai lay kay guff diney abuh tuh!

Boating sakiyo... by the tyam I got out ... I finished my head-count as well... 1 ghanta ma .. .there were like 432 people in them Zoo Soo!

Zoo lay ek ghanta ma nai 20,000 Rupiya kamau-do rahecha... din bhari ma tuh 1-2lakh tuh entry fee batuh nai... Hoonuh tuh Sanibaar maatruh ho jam-pack hoonay... Jay bhaye pani barsko 1-2 corore + foreign grant srant lay.. hope them animals are getting some 'Royal' treatment hola!

And I have still not finished my novel sovel... waaa... nearly 20 years .. abuh arko 20 barsa ma chahi.. complete somplete garnoo parla ni!

Look at our AIGs!

Our 'Nepal Police' ko motto is ... 'Truth, Service and Security' Kyaaruh!

Nepal Police is always good at (bending the) truth ni! And when talking about service, they provide better customer service to them 'dance bar owners', 'casino loan-sharks', 'jagga-dalals' and other 'illegal business-wallahs' !

And what about the rest of us? Heheh.. no service please! We only get harassment, torture and ulto extortion by the Police ni!

And security? Kay ko security.... they are them personal security guards for our 'great' leaders and their cronies and Rubel Chowdhary and Paras Dai! They have done a wonderful job!

Today, we will be talking about our two AIGs! The 'Great Ones' or 'Goondas' .... depends whether you profited from associating with these two arse-holes or you got your arse kicked by them ni!

First, let me introduce AIG Madan Khadka! Yes, that's the guy up there, photo shoto maa!

AIG Madan Bahadur Khadka was them 'Metropolitan Police Commissioner' and recently transfered to Police HQ, Naxal!

AIG Khadka is a very professional police officer kyaruh! By 'Professional' bhanya, oo-haa lay Rs 1,000 pani thug-naw chod-dainuh rey!

Yes, this is the same guy who wanted to kick out SP Kharel from Hanuman-Dhoka ni? And he did send the SP to China for training sraining.. and you know why?

Because.. there was some 'hi-fi' deal going on in Kathmandu rey and our AIG made 5crores rey when SP Kharel was probably in training in China, learning how to use them chop-sticks hola ni!

A friend of mine owns a 'khasa ko looga' bechnay store... them other day.. I met him and he was complaining about them AIG!

Man, I don't work for them 'Internal Affairs' or ... I don't even know if our Nepal Police has that type of department separtment like in the US , Sue-Yes!

Our great AIG Khadka likes to visit them 'looga bechney' pasal and grabs like jeans seans, t-shirts for his son/daughter hola ni.. and then he comes to the counter and says 'Lau Bhai, pachi deu-laa hai' .. and poor guy, the store owner is like 'Haaaaww-os Dai!'

Saaley bhaatey, Rs 1,500 ko looga pani fokat ma laa-ney, kasto laaz naw-bhayeko bewakoof rahecha hamro AIG tuh! And then some 'dance bar' owner showed up in his SUV, shook them AIG ko haat and both left for some meeting seeting rey!

The AIG is meeting with them 'baddie' guys ... .and having all the fun.. ani kay ko shaanti -suryakcha ni hami lai!

Then we have another AIG, Kalyan Kumar Timsina.... Hamro Nepal Police ko IGP lay nai.. 'Yo bhaatey lai kaar-wai garnoo parcha' bhandaa .. hamro Cabinet Shya-bin-ate lay ... approve garey naw rey!



Kinnuh? Because Kalyan Dai likes them 'big stuff' .. no he doesn't go around town, trying to get free t-shirts! He likes 'Dollars' only and only hangs out with 'kidnappers' and not like Khadka and his 'Dance Bar' Owner friends ni!

Few months ago, them Chinese businessman ko 300,000 US Dollars, police lay nai choryo rey! And Nepal Police caught the 'police' and AIG Kalyan did his trick! The money disappeared, no report seport rey!

Of course, AIG Kalyan must have shared the loot with our Home Minister ni.. natraw ahiley samma kinnuh Jaagirey chan yee Daaka!

A month ago, one DSP was demoted to Inspector for hanging out with them 'criminal elements' rey! Hahah... I thought you would get fired and jailed but in Nepal.. you are demoted semoted! But you can't just demote an AIG or DIG hola ni!

This is 'New Nepal' ... it's always them sano manchey haroo fasney sasney.. thula bada haroo ko tuh ulto promotion po hooncha ni!

Now, AIG Arjun Jung Shahi (Ek Jawnana ko 'Kollywood' ko hero-sero!) has been transferred to the Metropolitan Police Commissioners´ Office (MPCO), Ranipokhari as its new chief. Hope SP Ramesh Kharel can do some more 'good' work instead of constantly being threatened by then MPCO Chief, AIG Madan Khadka!

Both Khadka and Timsina know very well that they won't be the next IGP ... so it's tyam to make some more moolah while they still wear them 'bardi sardi' ni!

And the other day, few of my friends were nearly thrashed by them Cops in Lalitpur! The Lalitpur SP, Bikram Thapa was dead drunk (he was not dead!)... and driving them 'Police ko Van San' rey ... ani he was out ... jaado ma trying to control crime srime rey!

SP Saheb.. learn something from KTM ko SP baroo! Affai drink and drive .. bhaw-ye-nuh ni Dai!

Lau, Police ko jaagir tuh kya mazza.. Lootnuh Bootnuh or Chootnuh pau-nay.. ani you can drink on the job and have a 'Merry Good Tyam' ... so people .. if you like drinking, shooting, looting and booting ... then join the Nepal Police and have all the fun sun!

The Road Ahead....

UNMIN is leaving... or we don't know... them UN folks are funny lot ... but our Mao Inc. want UNMIN to stay with us forever kyaaruh! They have written a special 'love-letter' rey to them UN ko HQ lai... heheh!

Hope them UN ko Soccer khel-nay General, Mr. 'Forest or Moon' (aka Ban Ki-Moon!) will give his 'Hot or Not' vote hola ni!

India and them rest of the 'great' democratic parties don't want UNMIN to stay rey! Even .. the great journalist, Kanak Dixit dai from Patan Dhoka ... is like 'I don't think I can get any more grant srant to publish my book sook from them UNMIN.. so they have to go now!' ... heheh!

If our leaders and them political parties were really serious about solving them 'problem sroblem' then UNMIN wouldn't be here in the first place ni! And India wouldn't have first used them 'Maoist' and now them 'Madesh' parties to screw us all ni!

The road ahead ... is like KTM ko bato haroo.... biccha ma khaalto nai khaalto! UNMIN hoo-da tuh yo rehab see-have ko kaam naw-suck-nay .. abuh kay so-called 'Special Committee' lay suck-laan ruh?

We are Nepalese.... we need them 'kuireys' to tell us what to do! Our leaders can't decide for themselves and that's why 'Bollywood' still rules our Cinema Halls ni!

Now, the question is .. NOT.. what do we do when UNMIN leaves? ... but what to do with them UNMIN ko gaadi saadi, computer somputer, satellite this and hi-fi equipment that.. heheh!

The tender-wallahs haroo ko tuh bhan-soon soo-roo bhayee-sakyo! Sujata lay tuh 3-4 wata gaadi nai 'book' garin rey! Ani.... Rubel lay chai sabai 'phone sone' equipment maa aankha gaadey ko holan ni! Kay thaha.. bholi feri tyo VoIP natak gar-naw kaam laagcha ki!

Our political parties ma nai aaah-foo vitra nai fight-sight ani, yesta paaketmaar haroo lay 'new constitution' chahi hoinuh ... baw-roo.... 'new destruction' chahi chittai liyeruh aah-woon-cha!

Them dailies write about how our political parties are sharing them 'development budget' . .not for them people but for themselves rey! And how come .. nobody gives a @#$!?

Hoonuh tuh hamro so-called 'Civil Society' wallah haroo nai sabai party ko karya-karta hoon ani kay ko tension lay-wos tuh uni haroo lay!

Democracy, Republic , Federalism .... natak satak.. yee sabai hamra Neta haroo ruh chamcha haroo lai nai ayo hai!

Baroo yo Visit Nepal 2011 ma hamro 601 janaa chor ruh chor-ni haroo sabai lay 75 districts visit garey hooncha ni! Ani 'Real' Nepal (without 'Real' Juice!) dekhchan ni yee ni haroo lay!

So, 2011 maa ...let's all get together and hang out @ them 'naya paint saint gareko' Welcome Gate @ TIA and stop all our so-called politicians from leaving this country ... and pack them up and drop them off in Rolpa or Dolpa ... Jumla or Humla and let them walk all the way back to Kathmandu!

Let's stop them 'mantri santri' ko gaadi and them security people and force them to take them 'Micro-Bus' or 'Whatever Yatayat' and see for themselves .. how hard it is for all of us!

2011 is here.... and if we don't get them so-called 'new constitution... then we are all in trouble and that includes our so-called political parties and their netas as well!

Bholi desh nai chainuh bhaney kay ko raaj-niti garchan yee bhatey haroo lay?

Kati din samma lootay-ruh khaaney ho... khoi hami lai maatra laaz laagney yee neta haroo tuh bholi naang-ai hiday pani yeeni haroo lai laaz saaz laag-dainuh hola!