Nothing's changed!

Went to the Nepal Telecom Office to pay the Internet ko bill. The woman was busy talking with her colleagues and she didn’t have time to take care of the customers. I stood there for like 10 minutes before she even looked at me. Okay, I ain’t no Brad Pitt but Ma’am … can you please do your job?

I know it is a difficult job… typing in the customer’s phone number and printing out a receipt but I didn’t know drinking tea and talking about land prices in Kathmandu was part of the job description. Working for NTC must be fun. You get free phone, internet and thousands of shares.

Another ten minutes... she finally got done, I bowed as if I was presenting my credentials to the Queen of England!

I didn’t know Cricket was a violent sport. Yes, we have all seen the bowlers scratching their thing with them hard balls but getting attacked by Pakistani tribal brothers must have been a really scary experience for the guys from Sri Lanka.

What’s wrong with Pakistan? Never been there and don’t plan to go there anytime soon but when we were kids, the Pakistani serials on NTV were much better than the ones on DoorDarshan. They talked as if they were reciting poetries, looked more civilized and what not but that was then… I guess it’s a different story today!

Sourabhee and the other finalists are coming to Nepal. Finally, Indian Idol got its first female winner. That’s really great… I would have voted for her too. I don’t know if I can make it to the show on March 14th but the folks behind Indian Idol are making tons of money from Nepal.

According to Kukhurachor Guptachar Bivag (KGB) agents, the Desis made more than a million dollars after they let Nepalis vote for Indian Idol contestants. Don’t be surprised if you see an Indian of Nepali origin reaching the final 3 every year on Indian Idol!

The PM is angry that he has to work from 5 in the morning till 8 in the evening and the media doesn’t give a @#$!. Well, if you had stuck with USAID then you would have been making more than 100,000 Rs a month by now but look at the bright side… you get to travel in fancy cars, huge security and your family are all employed and doing good at the taxpayers expense. The world is in an economic crisis … so just shut up and enjoy the ride!

Our Sarkari hakim sahebs are still living the good life. Not much has changed… government services haven’t improved a bit… it’s still like back in the 90s. The only good thing is that now we get to hang out inside the Narayanhiti Palace. It would have been much better if they bulldozed the place and made a huge parking lot or something?

How about a nice concert venue? Maybe, we can build a DisneyLand and we can get Desis and other folks from Shark (SAARC) countries bringing in the moolah rather than sending our money to the Indian Idol folks and our khuire folks taking home the dough from all that bungee-jumping natak!

Happy Wedding!

Is the world coming to an end? Then why are people getting married left and right... have been attending 2-3 weddings everyday and the 'party palace' high cholesterol snacks will probably send thousands of Kathmanduites to 'Sahid Ganglal' Heart Hospital next month!

And while the parents were busy talking with relatives they hate ... the kids were busy dancing to Akon's 'Na Na Na' . Must give it to the DJ... what's up with playing 'Don't u wish ur gf was hot like me?'

And the DJ's girlfriend was really hot but Saris does that to Nepali women! You can't go wrong with a Sari. Some girls look hot in shorts, some in pants but with Saris... it's like God made Sari him/herself so that women would look good and for Nepali men, God gave us 'eyes' the size of grapefruit so that we can ogle at the women!

And for MCPs ... don't feel bad , according to some mad scientist, a 10-minute ogle at the women's form is as healthy as half-an-hour work out in the gym. No, I am not making this up. Anyways, party palaces now charge like 450+ per plate. Weddings are expensive and I guess nobody is listening to the PM's address.

Yes, Maobaadi weddings are great... you get a lunch box (a banana is a must!) but you will have to listen to like two hour long 'revolutionary' speeches by a central committee member then a district member and the bride and the groom. If all of us did it this way then like the Narayanhiti, party palaces would also be national museums.

Let's get back to the wedding! Bird flu was flying like crazy... the party palace must have gotten 'em chickens on the cheap! 13 year olds were drinking beer and smoking near the bushes. And I felt like asking a woman sitting next to me ... to marry me right then and there! She smiled. Her teeth were perfect. She asked me if I was related to someone. I asked her where she worked out.

Then her husband came and sat beside me and said, 'I am lucky to be married to this woman' and I replied, 'I would have been much luckier if I had married her' and then he looked at me as if I pulled a 'Brutus' on him. God ... why don't you zip my lips? I need to visit a Shrink. Why do I always say the right things at the wrong time?

But I just don't get it. This man had a big belly, he was drunk like hell but his lady had like 'Madonna-biceps' and she could have given any Miss World a run for her money in the looks department. I guess ... opposites do attract! Lord... I know you work in mysterious ways but give me a sign!

My high school friends are getting married next week. I wish them all the best. May God give you good life, good children and a healthy love life. No big belly for the groom and may the bride remain beautiful forever. Nothing wrong with Botox for women and Liposuction for men!

And I need to see Dr. Upendra Devkota... just want to make sure my circuits are okay. I don't want to sound like a jerk everytime I open my mouth!

No Sex Please !

Matrika Yadav is forming his own militia, while another Yadav (from the Nepali Kangaroos) is making love and not war. No Sex Please... We're British! Okay, we are happy that we were never colonized but when it comes to Sex ... even our CA members need a little something.

Thanks to the British, India still has the railroads and red light districts. Thanks to Jangey Dai, we have hiking trails all over the country and although the 'sex trade' generates more than all the foreign assistance Nepal receives, it is still 'illegal' ... but that won't stop our politicians from being naughty!

I think Dr. BRB should work with Bam Dev and tax the so-called 'illegal' sex industry. I hope our CA member was practicing safe sex ... otherwise it would set a bad example for the young people.

We can't blame this guy because when your name is Krishna then you are bound to go out looking for Gopinis. Okay, he paid for it but according to our law book.. there is nothing illegal going on.

According to the Police, Krishna Yadav was caught in a 'compromising position' ... was he playing ping pong upside down, wearing a space-suit? Whatever Yadav does, it's his business but it's not his fault.

He may think he was in the right place but at the wrong time but if he was that desperate then he should have called for an in-house visit.

If it was somewhere else then the politician would have resigned based on so-called moral grounds but here in Nepal, who gives a rat's arse? I hope our leaders can learn a thing or two from the Japanese. Yes, stab yourself in the stomach and bleed to death or just jump off Dharara!

The load shedding hours will go up from 16 to 20 hours a day by mid-march. Yahooo! Don't panic... we are getting there. When we reach 24 hours a day then we can all come out and have a grand BBQ party! And maybe 'Lover Boy' Yadav will not be caught again in another compromising position when it's too dark in there!